Lit Cigarettes

Beach Paradise

*TRIGGER WARNING: Dark themes and in no way am I promoting an method of eating disorder. I just want to raise awareness of the dangers of eating disorders. Women and Men both go through it and some don't make it out of it. NOT PRO ANYTHING. I love everyone and want the public to realize what people go through all the time.*

XOXO B-

I tossed my broken pencil in the trash can and sat back down. As I sat down I desperately tried hiding the rips of my jeans on my inner thighs. Chafing- a chunkier girls most loved symptom. Other symptoms of being slightly bigger aka FAT are as listed below:

Laziness,

Lack of breath,

Excessive grocery bills,

New jeans every few months,

(And my favorite)

The jiggles

The dark inner part of me wants to hide, but when you are fat you can't hide. Like a beached whale, it isn't going anywhere. I smelled the scent of my perfume on my jacket and was taken to another world. I could imagine that same beach, but with me laying on a lounge chair with long skinny legs, ones that wouldn't ruin every pair of $50 jeans I owned. The bell rang and dragged me out of my impossible dreams. Lunch. Finally. I got to the cafeteria and debated what food to get today. I sat down at the table and thought about everything I could. I wanted to drown myself in food to be able to rid myself of my screwed up life I was drowning in myself. Lunch was a ritual, a way to drown myself instead of using water. A way to sacrifice myself to the lifestyle I had been living for years. I knew excessive eating was bad, but it was the only thing I could do to trick my mind into not thinking about everything else in my life. Because everything else was trickier than forcing a piece of enchilada down my throat. Food slid down my throat like kids down a slide, quick and with no rhythm whatsoever. I ate bite after bite and struggled to breathe between bites, which didn't bother me at all. I was screaming at myself to stop, but then the bruise on my right shoulder reminded me why I did this. The bruise on my left shin reminded me to keep eating. The bruise in the middle of my back reminded me why I take another bite.