Depression (COMPLETED)

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!!! Contains suicidal behaviour !!! 

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I walked downstairs and went into the dining room, where I place the three letters on our wooden kitchen table.

I ran a hand through my dirty blonde hair, and slowly massaged my temples. After staring around our dining room, I walked into the living room and went over to the mantelpiece where all our photos were framed.

I picked up a black picture frame that contained a photo of Amy and me. I was about fourteen, so that makes Amy twelve or thirteen. I stared at the photo: we both looked so happy. It was taken at the beach, so our hair was like rat tails and we were both smiling a toothy smile.

A rush of anger rushed through me, and I threw the picture frame against the wall. The glass smashed and the frame broke. I stared at the heap of broken glass and wood emotionless.

I ran my hand through my hair again, before turning on my heel and walking upstairs. I reached Amy's bedroom door and hesitated before placing my hand on the metal handle. Very slowly I opened the white, wooden door.

Amy's room was just like every other teenager's room: it had a Queen sized bed, which had light purple duvet sheets and pillow cases. There was a white desk that contained Amy's iMac, and all her school stuff. To the right of the door there was a white wardrobe. Her walls were a light purple and the floor was a light shade of wood.

I walked over to her bed and sat down. I turned my head and my eyes fell on her bedside table, where three photo frames were artistically placed. The first one was a photo of Mum, dad, Amy and me that is framed in a white frame. I picked it up and a small smile spread across my lips. I place it back down again and picked up the second photo, this one is of Amy and me. I stared at it without any feelings, before placing it back down and picking up the third photo frame. This one is of Amy and Mum. I threw it down on her bed and got up in distastes. How can she still keep that photo? She doesn't care about mum, she doesn't even miss her!

I ran my hand through my hair again and walked out of Amy's room. I opened our bathroom door and put the plug in the bath. I turned on the hot water tap and let the water run out into the bath. I also turned the cold water tap on a bit, so that the water wasn't scalding hot.

I walked out and went into my dad's room. I knew what I was here for, and I knew exactly where it was. I opened a draw in my dad's bedside table and took out his Swiss army knife that Mum had got him for their tenth wedding anniversary.

I walk back into the bathroom and place the knife by the side of the bath. The bath is only a quarter full, so I decided to get changed. I went into my bedroom and walked over to my storage draws. I took out two packets of Ibuprofen and smiled when I saw that I still had twenty odd pills left in them. I swallowed about half on the pills I had left.

I shut my curtains, and stripped off my clothes. I walked over to my closet and took out my favourite pair of underwear: a black silk bra with matching panties, and slipped them on.

My head was starting to turn and I was having trouble standing up, but I could just about manage to walk to the bathroom, occasionally tripping over my own feet. At one point I tripped over a pair of my dad's shoes and banged my head against the banister. My hand flew up to the place where it hurt and my fingers came in contact with something liquid. I moved my hand in front of my eyes and saw that my fingertips were bright red. I shook my head, sending droplets of blood everywhere, and took yet another step towards the bathroom.

I had to place my hand on the cream wall to support my weight, but I finally made it to the bathroom.

The bath was now three quarters full, just how I wanted it, so I stopped the water by turning the taps off. I put the rest of the pills next to the knife and reach for a hand towel. I folded it in half, and then folded it in half again before placing it by the Swiss knife. I sat on the side of the bath, hands grasping the ends of my hair, pulling them ever so softly.

What are you doing? You could just stop, you know. Empty the bath, clean up the blood, return the knife, go to the hospital and get better. It's not too late, you don't have to do this Emily. There are other ways to make the pain go away. Think about your father, your sister! You will be leaving them, only months after your mother left. Think about Barclay! What is he going to do without you? He has problems of his own, and you're the only thing that he's keeping him together. Think about the people that love you! The people that rely on you? Think about your friends. Zoe, Mia, Ava, Greyson, Scott... they still love you Emily, and they would take you back in a heartbeat. What's going to happen to them? Why are you being so selfish? Why are you taking the easy way out? Life is constantly about choosing the right path, and here you are, standing in front of life and death. Yes, if you take the path to life, it will be hard, with lots of obstacles but in the end it will be worth it. So why choose death? It's pointless you stupid, self-centred bit- The voice inside my head shouted.

"Shut up!" I screamed, clawing at my face.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You don't know how it feels!" I yelled slapping my forehead in frustration, sending more drops of blood everywhere.

"You don't know, it feels." I whispered the last part.

Without a second thought, I slid into the bath. I could barely keep my eyes open as I swallowed the last of the little white pills. My head was pounding as I took the Swiss army knife and submerged my wrists in the bathwater. I took the knife and pressed my index finger right on top of the blade. I pushed down onto my wrist and the water started to turn a light pink colour. I felt nothing as I did the same with the other wrist. I then lifted my arms out of the water and placed them on either side of the bath.

The last thing I heard before I slipped into an unconscious state is my name. It was like someone had just whispered my name.

"Barclay." I mouthed before darkness fell.

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Chapter 10 for you.

A bit longer than the others, I hope it's not too long. This isn't the last chapter, there will be more. 

All of me by John Legend in the media.

I hope you enjoyed.