Taking the Throne

Cosmically bound

Rey made her way back up the steps, bracing herself against the violent wind that was gusting in with the crashing waves. She had never felt so cold,. Shivering, the rain began to fall, but it wasn't just rain, her poncho was being pelted with bits of ice. When she looked back at the fading light of Chewie's fire, she could see the snow beginning to fall sideways. It was on her way back to the hut that she felt it, the reaching voice from light years away. It was so powerful that it made her stop in her tracks. Everything was suspended as she heard Leia's voice calling to her. You are my only hope, save him. Please.

Nearing the door she could already feel that he was waiting for her, awake.

"It wasn't an ominous feeling... but it was heavy with sadness. It was sad but hopeful...sad...but full of love." Rey tried to explain.

"And you saw this?"

"I saw it and I felt it....both. Ben, there isn't much time left."

Ben paced the small space, making the ceiling seem lower against his height. His emotions were so conflicted and fractured, it was like watching her reflection in a mirror shattering into a thousand pieces or a glass break against the rocks. It was the truth and it gave him a feeling like he was in a flat spin falling from the sky. His inability to reconcile his feelings, of guilt and of abandonment, made it feel like he was running into the wind of a storm or trying to outrun the pull of a black hole. Continuing to pace, he chewed on his fingernails, a new habit that replaced the chewing of his lips, which he had gnawed at until they bled. It was like watching a person with constant indigestion.

"Ben, we will stay the night and then go to her. We do not need to stay here, we can always come back some day."

"I never said I wanted to go to her-"

"But she is your mother....your MOTHER. Do you know what I would have done to have a mother?!" Rey was flabbergasted.

"Rey, there is so much you do not know...that I am not ready to share. I love my mother, truly I do. Funny-," He laughed," I have not admitted that in over a decade." He stood looking at her blankly. "Love isn't everything. She betrayed me. She sent me away, Rey, like your parents left you for dead. She SENT ME AWAY, away to be devoured by the voices and the constant-" He trailed off.

"She didn't know." Rey was now steadfast in her defense.

"YES, yes she did. She knew and she is too proud to admit that she was afraid and threw me away because she did not want to deal with it. She thought Luke would solve the "problem", make me into a "normal" son." His eyes were sparkling with tears. "So when I told you that your parents threw you away like garbage, I know that feeling all too well."

Rey was speechless, like she had been when he had told her to let he past die, warning her that she needed to let go. And now she was asking him to do the exact opposite, to go to the person that was responsible for his fall from grace, to relive the past.

"Ben, I won't ask again. As your partner, your lover, your friend, I am begging you to try to disconnect and see it differently." Her tone was empathic and calm, imploring. "Letting the past die might be right for me....I have no way of getting the answers I need...but you, you can find peace by confronting your pain....you do not have to bury it or kill it. You can heal it. I will help you."

He stood staring at her, into her, and through her, and she met him with the same intensity.

"Come to bed. It is late, the winds are blowing in a storm. Let's just stay close and forget about today...for now."

He had already pulled out several of their thermal blankets, commissioned for star killer base and it's oppressively cold temperatures. and remade their bed. Wearing an informal grey long sleeved shirt, it was a thin fabric yet insulated body heat in even the coldest environments. If there was one thing the first order did well, it was create new technology and arm it's military. It was the first time she had ever seen him in anything but black and he looked so much softer and younger.

"I like the gray." She said smiling.

"This? Oh, there was no other choice. There was no time to customize-", He looked down at the floor stopping himself,"Thank you."

"The great Kylo Ren saying thank you?" She was trying to be playful.

"Don't say that name. I never want to hear you say that name again. Not out of your mouth. Please." He was solemn.

"Of course. I am sorry." She replied, quickly looking at the floor.

"Here-" He handed her a smaller version of his clothing, it would still be large against her slight frame as it was too soon for her to gain weight from the improved nutrition. Again, she felt the same shyness come over her as she began to undress. The hut was warm enough to keep them comfortable, the added logs lit up the space with yellow and orange flames that danced against the bricks.

Starting to pull the shirt over her, she felt his hands around her waist. Standing still, the shirt was gathered around her head. She could feel him bend his knees in front of her, placing his head against her stomach. Popping her head through the collar, she looked down and stroked his hair and time stood still.

It was a difficult connection, hard to read at times due to his instability, but they stayed connected always. Reading his mind was like sifting through a jumbled puzzle with thousands of pieces. It was never his intention to withdraw or hide anything from her, only in those rare moments that he tried to process his thoughts or was trying to protect her. Despite his great power, he had not mastered the complete control of his mind. It came and went, like an irratic tug o war. But when he focused on her, he could lay his feelings out with such simplicity and honesty, it was so powerful to her that tears reflexively pooled in her eyes.

Something had changed inside of her, in a deep place that she had only begun to discover. It felt like a planted seed, a flower beginning to bloom with it's veiny roots reaching out, drawing life from dark wet soil. It had a heartbeat of it's own, in sync with the flow of energy surrounding it, unfurling as the light grew. She could feel the heartbeat in her ears, beating against her own, against his, balancing the chaos in between. Somehow she knew that they were now completely bound as one, through this mysterious pulse that had begun to speak to her, like a faint yet growing signal.

Ben jerked and snapped his head up to look at her. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

"Rey.......Rey...," His voice was a mixture of surprise, of terror, of joy. "Did you feel that?"

Rey closed her eyes and let the feeling flow through and outward into him, opening herself to the tiny heartbeat of a new hope. Their hope.