Letters To Sophia Berkeley [h.s.]

Worsening Sadness

Harry's POV

It's been a few months since Sophia started chemo. It's been really hard on everyone. I've put writing music for my new album on hold for a while, at least until Sophia gets better. She's what's most important to me right now.

I walk into the living room to bring Sophia some water, and I see she's passed out on the couch. I chuckle at her cuteness and cover her up with a blanket, knowing she's been getting really cold since she started chemo.

Her hair had started falling out not too long after she started treatments, so she decided to shave it all off. I think she looks beautiful no matter what, but she hates the way she looks so she always wears wigs.

As I put the blanket over her, I notice that I don't see her chest rising and falling with each breath. My heart drops and I try and find her pulse on her neck but I feel nothing.

My heart is racing.

I feel sweat starting to form on my forehead.

My breath quickens as my shaky hands reach into my pocket so I can call an ambulance.

Even though my movements are quick, everything is going in slow motion.

It feels like ages until I see the red and blue lights flashing outside our apartment. My feet feel frozen to the wood floors, and it takes all of my strength to pick up my feet to walk to the ambulance as they carry her on a stretcher.

Just as I start to walk, I come to my senses and jog with the EMTs and hop in the back of the ambulance. In my jumbled thoughts, I think about her best friend, Kylee. I call her and tell her what happened and her reaction is about the same as mine.

Her voice is shaky and I can hear her heavy breaths through the speaker. She tells me that she'll call Sophia's parents so I can just be with Sophia and I thank her.

We get to the emergency room entrance and they immediately admit her to a private room since she is so emergent. I feel my palms getting more and more sweaty and my heart feels like it's gonna beat out of my chest.

This whole time, there has been a constant stream of tears coming down my face and I'm starting to get weak from all of the emotions I'm feeling.

I sit next to Sophia in a chair. I hold her hand tightly, and I never plan to let go.  The lights are dim and the bright moon shines in from the window onto her face. After about 30 minutes of me sitting with both of my hands on top of hers and my forehead on my hands, I hear someone at the door.

I look up to see Kylee and Sophia's parents, my mom and Gemma are behind them. As much as I want to get up and hug them, it hurts so much thinking about letting go of Sophia's hand. Even so, I do get up and hug them all, giving her mom and dad the tightest hugs.

"They've run tests but won't tell me anything," I say through labored breaths and sobs.

My mom gives me another hug. "I'm so scared," I whisper into her hair.

She rubs my back in a comforting way and when I pull away, I go straight back to how I was before they got here. Her mom and dad go to her other side and her mom puts Sophia's hair behind her ear.

Tears fall down her cheeks as she whispers, "My baby."

She starts to sob and gives Sophia's dad the biggest hug. I feel someone rub my back. I can tell it's Gemma. She pulls up a chair next to me and puts her arm around me as I continue to stare at Sophia's calm face amidst all of the sadness surrounding her. I take a deep breath and stand up, turning away from Sophia and walking towards the window.

"I hate this," I say in an angry tone, stopping in my tracks.

My mom and Gemma both have worried looks on their faces. I know why. I've never sounded angry like this. I don't remember the last time I've felt this enraged.

"Why did this have to happen?!" I turn to everyone, and see the sad look on Sophia's mom's face. Kylee is in the back corner staring at Sophia.

"She looks so vulnerable," Kylee says. I hear her sniff, but I can't see her crying.

The doctor comes in with the oncologist.

"Why don't you three follow us?" the oncologist says to me and Sophia's parents.

We follow her and the doctor to what looks like a conference room, and we all sit down.

"Now, the news I have is not good," the doctor says, and right off the bat I feel like breaking down. Stay strong for Sophia and her parents.

"We did everything we could, but Sophia...."

The words the doctor says next fade out of my mind as I blank out. I don't want to hear it. I can hear her parents break down in loud sobs.

Everything sounds muffled. It's as if I'm underwater.

I feel the doctor grab my hands to try and comfort me. He's been there for me throughout everything.

I can't stop focusing on this one scratch on the black table we're sitting at as I zone out the rest of the world.

"Harry?" I hear Sophia's dad say. This breaks me out of my trance, and I break down. I stand up quickly and storm out of the room, sprinting to Sophia's room. I hear a couple nurses yell at me to stop running, but I don't care.

I burst through the door and when I see her face, I drop to my knees and sob. My mom, Gemma, and Kylee are all confused, asking me what's wrong.

"S-s-sh-e...." I try to muster up the words, but I feel like I'm gonna throw up. "Sophia....she..." my sobs get louder.

I look up at the three of them, then take a deep breath and stand up. I look at Kylee and say, "They....told me...she died in her sleep. It probably happened in our apartment."

I see Kylee's face turn from confused to angry and upset all at once. She puts her hands over her mouth as what looks like a thousand tears fall from her eyes. She looks at Sophia and then looks at me and I hug her. Kylee melts into my arms as we both cry, and I hear my mom and Gemma by Sophia's side crying as well. Sophia's parents come in, and Kylee immediately hugs both of them.

I walk over to Sophia and go back to the chair I was sitting in before and go straight back to holding her left hand with both of mine.

"I will love you forever," I say softly, even though I know she can't hear me.