Letters To Sophia Berkeley [h.s.]

Epilogue

"Please be careful! I don't want you to get hurt," I say as Grace, Noah, and Hazel all race into our big suburban house in London.

Elizabeth laughs beside me and I look at her with a smile. Love fills my heart, and I walk towards the house with my arms full of grocery bags. I see the three children playing together in the living room and I call in the oldest child, Grace, to come help me put away groceries with Elizabeth.

"Alright, Dad," she says as her two siblings pout.

"I wanna help, too!" shouts the youngest, Hazel, as she carries her short legs towards the kitchen.

Noah sighs, feeling obligated to come and help as well.

I pick up Hazel so she can put one of the snacks on top of the fridge, and as I put her down to sit on the counter, I spot Elizabeth looking at us and smiling.

I never thought I would have a family like this. A beautiful wife and three amazing children.

A fluffy calico cat jumps on the counter and Grace groans, kicking her off the counter for the millionth time in her life.

"Amber, you know you're not supposed to jump up there!" Grace says, rolling her eyes. The cat meows and rubs against Grace's legs, making Hazel giggle.

I chuckle to myself and put away the last of the groceries before I go start to go in the living room.

Suddenly, I hear that same tune. The one I heard years ago.

Sweet wonderful you
You make me happy with the things you do

I look in the kitchen to see my three kids and wife dancing.

The same way we once did.

I never did believe in miracles
But I've a feeling it's time to try

I never told Elizabeth that story. I felt it was too personal. She has no idea how that song makes me feel.

My heart feels heavy. The song is upbeat, but all I can hear is sadness.

I go upstairs into my shared room with Elizabeth and look at the night table I brought here from that New York apartment.

I look at it for a while, allowing the song to come into the room as the moments I had with her flood through my brain.

Don't, don't break the spell
It would be different and you know it will
You, you make loving fun
And I don't have to tell you but you're the only one

So many feelings are stored in that night stand. Feelings I haven't thought of since I met Elizabeth. Of course she knows about what happened, but she doesn't know the details.

My feet can't seem to move. I feel glued to the floor.

Part of me wants to go read the journal. 

Part of me wants to feel those feelings just once more.

I can hear my children's giggle come up from downstairs and it lightens my mood slightly. Finally I feel okay to go read it.

You, you make loving fun
It's all I want to do
You, you make loving fun
It's all I want to do

I sit on the edge of the bed facing the windows that look out to our backyard and I see Hazel and Elizabeth running around. A smile creeps on my face as I see their happiness burst from their chests. It's as if their happiness is the source of the sun's light.

I open the drawer to the night stand and reach back, knowing I had put it at the very back to hide my feelings from the world. I have to dig through a few things, but I finally feel it.

The tattered faux leather grazes my fingertips and I pull out the notebook to see the coffee stains covering the pages and part of the front. I remember back to the countless times she spilled coffee and I chuckle to myself.

Memories flood my brain as I open the notebook and see her writing. I continue to read the words over and over again, feeling as if they would disappear if I stopped.

Dear Harry,

I hope you can use this to document all of the adventures you take when I'm no longer here to take them with you.

Know that I will always be watching over you, and I will always be so proud of everything you accomplish.

I love you with my entire life. You have given me so many great experiences.

Yours forever,

Sophia

P.S.

Sorry about the coffee stains on the notebook. I had it in my bag with my travel cup and it spilled all over it! You probably aren't surprised, though.

I flip through the notebook pages, seeing words of pain and hurt. All of the feelings come rushing back to me as I begin to remember how broken I had been. 

The more that time goes on, the more I miss you. My love for you is evergrowing, and I don't know if anyone else will be able to fill your shoes.

However, I did find someone. I can't believe I never would. Elizabeth is amazing, and my kids are my entire world. They are the entire reason I'm still living.

I flip through more and more letters I wrote, going back and forth between pages. After about 10 minutes of reading and rereading letters, I frantically look around for a pen when I spot one on Elizabeth's vanity, so I go to sit down and write

Dear Sophia,

It's been many years since you left. If you're watching over me, you already know that I have a wife and children. They're so amazing, and you would absolutely fall in love with them.

Grace is the oldest one, and she is very sassy. Just like you. She's ambitious already even though she's only 12. I can tell that she'll become something remarkable like a famous astronaut or a motivational speaker. She could be anything she wants to be.

Noah is the middle child. He's 9 years old and he's already giving us hell. He's going to turn my hair grey by the time he's 12, I can tell you that for sure. But I still love him endlessly regardless. No matter how much hell he gives me, I am instilling in him how to respect women, and I can tell he has a soft side. He's just not showing it.

Hazel. Oh, wonderful Hazel. She's our little 5 year old, and she is perfection. We named her Hazel after your eyes. I felt as though calling her Sophia would be a bit weird, and Elizabeth fell in love with the name Hazel. I know I spoil her, but I can't help it. She has the cutest little curls, and her laugh could cure any sickness. 

You and Elizabeth would be best friends. Her personality is very similar to yours, and maybe that's why I fell for her. I guess I have a type. I won't gush too much about her because I can feel you telling me to spare you the details.

I never thought I would find anyone as amazing as you. I never thought anyone could match up to you. Elizabeth proved me wrong. And then my children came, and my whole world brightened up.

I will always miss you. I will always love you.

Until we meet again,

H. xx

I take a deep breath and close up the journal, then I put it right back where it was before. I look outside again and see Elizabeth and Hazel still outside. Elizabeth looks up and smiles, beckoning me to come outside.

My smile reaches my eyes and I jog downstairs and outside, picking up Hazel and spinning her around. Her giggle fills my ears and somehow makes my smile bigger as I turn her upside down.

"Daddy!! Put me down!!" Hazel says between giggles. I kiss Elizabeth and put Hazel down.

"What were you doing up there?" Elizabeth asks.

"Just finishing up something I started on a while ago."