Letters To Sophia Berkeley [h.s.]

Wine and Cheese Club

I stand there for a while, staring at the place where they just put her casket in the ground. My hands in my pockets, I feel the emotions rushing out of my fingertips.

Never in my life have I felt this empty inside. Never in my life have I experienced a loss quite like this.

I can feel a presence next to me, but I can't be bothered to look at who it is. My hair is blocking my eyes as I look down at her tombstone

Sophia Berkeley

Forever in our hearts.

1996 - 2017

Usually I would get angry seeing the years, signifying the death of Sophia. But right now, I couldn't feel more numb. I could stand here for years and never feel a thing.

"Harry," the muffled voice is starting to become clearer. "Harry!"

And just like wiping off a mirror, the voice becomes as clear as glass.

--

"Harry," she pokes my cheek, drawing out the 'a' in my name. I smile, and she pokes my dimple.

"Good morning," I say as I look up at her beautiful hazel eyes. If you look at them long enough, you can see the whole world in them.

Sophia leans down and kisses me softly before she gets up and goes straight to the bathroom. I hear the shower running and she pops her head out.

"Are you coming or what?" she asks with a sly smile.

My smile reaches my eyes as I jump out of bed, now fully awake. She squeals as I wrap my arms around her and spin her around, putting her in the shower with all her pajamas on.

"Oh, you're gonna regret that," she says, pointing a finger at me.

I undress and she throws her now soaking wet clothes on the floor next to mine. As I get in the shower, I tuck some of her golden hair behind her ear and kiss her forehead. My lips move down to her cheek, and then onto her lips.

No matter how long we've been together, I will always feel the same excitement as I did with her when we first met. I don't think that will ever change, not even when we're old and grey and delirious.

My hands sit on her lower back while hers play with my hair. I can feel her hands travel down my cheeks, then my chest. Goosebumps cover my body as I feel her hands go farther and farther down my abdomen.

"I love you," she whispers in my ear, sending chills down my back.

--

I'm sitting on my couch, looking at the spot she had once been. A weight sits on my chest as I sip on my coffee, hearing the muffled noises of the TV playing in the background. My phone starts ringing, making me jump and spill my coffee on my shirt a little bit.

"Shit," I whisper. I get up and go to the kitchen island to pick up my phone and wipe off my shirt.

Not even looking at who it is, I put my phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, Harry! How've you been?"

That voice is familiar, but my mind is elsewhere.

"How do you think?"

I look at my phone and see the name on the screen.

Mitch Rowland

"What are you doing today?"

"Nothing. Just like I have been."

"Let's go out and have some fun! Maybe it'll help you get your mind off of it for a little bit?"

"I'm not really feeling up to it, Mitch."

"Oh come on, at least let me come over!"

"All right, fine. You've convinced me," I say, a small smile forming on my face as my hard exterior put there by Sophia's death is slowly chipped away by Mitch.

I take off my shirt and spray stain remover on it before going up and putting on a different shirt. My eyes fall on Sophia's clothes, still scattered on our bedroom floor from the many times she changed and didn't put her clothes away.

I never want to move them. This still shows her life. It still feels like she's here.

My phone buzzes and I look down to see two texts.

Clare: WE'RE HERE!! We brought wine and cheese and rom coms.

Mitch: Come let us in before we break down your door.

I laugh to myself and go downstairs, opening the door to see my band smiling brightly at me. I can't help but smile back, because the love I feel in my heart right now is overshadowing any other negative feeling I've had.

As we sit on the couch watching When Harry Met Sally, I can feel the wine warming my chest. I look around to my friends.

Sarah is sitting on the ground in front of Mitch, who's to my left, Clare is sitting on my big chair on the left side of the living room, and Adam is to my right.

I take a big sip of wine and think about how much Sophia would love this. For the first time since she died, I feel my heart glow with happiness.

"Sophia would love this," I say, breaking the silence. Everyone looks at me with concerned eyes until they see my smile that finally reaches my eyes.

"She really would," Clare says with a smile. Clare, Sophia, and Sarah were so close. I know they both took her death really hard, but I've never thought to talk about it with them, let alone anyone.

"She would've finished the whole bottle of wine already," Sarah says with a laugh.

The living room erupts with laughter as we talk about our fondest memories of Sophia. I can almost feel her standing in the kitchen, looking at us with a smile. I look over to see an empty kitchen, and my heart drops.

My sadness breaks when I feel Mitch put his arm around my shoulder. I look at him and he has a big smile on his face.

"Sophia really was something else, wasn't she?" he says.

I smile and nod. "Yeah. Yeah she was."