Letters To Sophia Berkeley [h.s.]

A Terrible Turn

It's been a week since mine and Harry's trip to Europe. I've been getting more and more sick; throwing up, hot flashes, loss of weight, and even more fatigue. Harry forces me to go to the hospital, and on the car ride there I bounce my leg up and down. Harry sets his hand on my knee and I grab it, intertwining our fingers.

"It'll be okay," he says quietly.

I put my other hand on top of his. "You're so amazing, Harry," I say.

We turn into the parking lot, and I hold his hand until we get into the room.

"Alright, we'll run some tests and let you know once we know more," the nurse says.

I smile and nod and she walks out. I pull my knees into my chest and put my hands on my face. Harry walks over to me and rubs my back.

"Please don't be so upset my love," he says quietly.

Silent tears go down my face and I stand up and hug him tightly.

"I'll try my best," I say with a sigh. I pull away and he intertwines our fingers together. Harry kisses my forehead and I close my eyes, taking a deep breath.

"I love you with all of my heart. Don't forget that," I say.

He lets go of one of my hands and rubs his thumb against my cheek.

"I love you so much more. Don't forget that," he says with a smile.

I smile and sit back on the hospital bed, the doctor comes in just seconds later.

"Alright. We're gonna have to keep you overnight, and you need to start your chemo tomorrow," he says. He gives me a reassuring smile, then looks at Harry, and walks out.

"Fuck," I say quietly, trying to stay strong in front of Harry so I don't upset him any more than he already is.

"It'll be okay. I promise. I'll be right here next to you every step of the way," he says.

I shake my head. "Harry... You have a job and —"

"I don't care about that right now. The only thing I care about is helping you through this."

I give him a huge hug and the nurse comes in with a bunch of cords and IV bags. She hooks me up to what feels like a million things so she can monitor my health. My best friend, Kylee, comes in and I smile at her even though it's completely forced.

"Holy shit.." she says with tearful eyes.

I wanna cry, but I also have to be strong for everyone. She hugs me tightly and I let a tear run down my face.

"Where are your parents?!" she asks frantically.

"It takes a couple hours for them to get here," I say, calming her down.

"I can't lose you, Soph. It's too much. I've known you for so fucking long. I should be in that bed dying. Fucking HELL," she says as she begins to sob.

"Kylee --"

She interrupts me by running out of the room and collapsing onto a bench, her head in her palms. I continue to watch her as a nurse comforts her. The nurse is saying something and Kylee nods, wiping her tears and taking the tissue that the nurse offers her.

About thirty minutes later, my parents are here, and once I see them through the glass window I start crying.

"Mom.." I say with tears flowing out of my eyes. My mom and dad hug me tightly and I cry harder than I have in my entire life. This is the first time I've ever seen my dad cry and it completely breaks me.

Maybe it's a piece of my heart, or something that isn't even tangible. Something only I can feel. I can't be strong anymore. I couldn't even last a day. I start to think about how my parents must feel.

I'm so glad Harry is here for this. My chemo, I mean. I couldn't do this without him.

Even so, I lie and say, "You don't have to be here. Hospitals are depressing."

Being the Harry I know and love, he shakes his head and holds my hand, telling me he's never leaving unless someone pulls him out screaming and crying and making a scene. I laugh, feeling the chemo course through my veins.

My smile fades when I think about how my life is going right now. Even though in this moment, Harry is making me happy, I am the most unhappy I've ever been.

My parents are getting me some Panera but I'm not exactly feeling up to eating.

"Am I gonna throw up if I eat?" I ask my nurse.

She shrugs. "Different people react differently. You may not lose your hair either. It just depends honestly. But I would eat light, healthy foods and only drink water until you're sure," she tells me.

I nod and take a deep breath as she takes the chemo bag, replacing it with the clear liquid they always put in IV's.

"You're gonna be fine," Harry says, grabbing my hand and kissing it softly.