M.E Is Not Me

I Don't Feel Well

Morning had risen in Room Thirty as Alissia’s room mates were already waking up, Camilla being the glamour puss she was always woke up over an hour early before everyone else and had fully applied a face of makeup before any of the other girls had even opened there eyes. The tall girl stood in front of the mirror which was hung on the back of the white wood door, she brushed through her average length hair and was clipping in blonde extensions, double checking every five seconds as she did so that nobody was watching her get ready, when she was confident everyone else was asleep she pulled up her false hair to check if her roots were coming through- they were as she gasped horrified at the ginger hair that was starting to show, mother would have to take her to the hairdressers once the school had broken up for Christmas as there was no way she’d go natural, especially when there was still the matter of impressing Henry. Oh how she hated the way he was with Alissia, she’d barely slept just picturing the way he was looking at her and how he had grabbed her hand as they gazed into each other’s eyes, the thought of her made her simply nauseated and that was in fact what she decided to do, as she figured being even skinner than Alissia was obviously going to make her all the more attractive, her look had to be completed first though as she opened her closet to get her icy blue contacts to add to her own dull grey eyes as everything mattered if she was going to win Henry over, she exited to visit the dismal toilets in which last night’s drama had took place.

The three remaining girls were woken to the school bell which was sounded in the corridor to wake everyone up- quite a cruel start to the day all the students thought. Serena yawned and stretched as she prodded Rosabelle who was snoring away “Morning hun, wake up we have a big day today” she spoke softly to her, the first time Miss Floros-Rae had showed her kinder side, it was amazing how much she changed around Camilla who had now re-entered the room after feeling fully positive today was going to be different, it had pissed her off though how her other friends were not yet up “Come on lazy arses were not going to get any parts in Swan Lake now if we don’t get ourselves out of bed” she spoke sweetly and the undertones of her patronising them we not detected by her friends, she pounded over the old floorboards making her bed perfectly, Serena copied her doing the same “Rosabelle are you even bothered about today?” Serena snapped bitterly, Rosabelle scowled as Camilla chuckled to herself “To be honest I don’t even see why she’s going, you do know Ms Alexandrov is watching us all today to decide who is worth auditioning for Odette?” she laughed again “You’re a little chubby for the part my friend and please don’t take it the wrong way because I would never mean it like that, it’s just that ballet dancers are supposed to have Ms Alexandrov’s frame and well, there’s only three of us here who really have that” Rosabelle gazed up in disbelieve as small tears filled her brown eyes, she bowed her head to hide her pain, but to the two outsiders stood watching her it looked like a mark of respect to Camilla that she really had the power over her. She composed herself as she quickly made her bed just as neatly as her two friends did and then scurried off the bathroom without uttering a word. Camilla smiled sighing as she had gone “Bless her” she said to Serena who nodded in agreement, they turned their attention now to Alissia who nobody had noticed until that present moment, what they didn’t know that when the school bell had sounded Alissia had woken up immediately but however this strange spell of tiredness had seemed to kick in again as she felt in an indescribable state, she could hear her friends voices talking around her but they seemed to echo as the concentration was too much to focus on the words. It didn’t hurt physically but it was like a mental pain that was washing over her mind as the first time she woke up was quickly forgotten “Hey morning Alissia, we have class soon so wake up missy!” she had heard Serena say as she opened her heavy eyelids to look at her which slowly shut again as if a weight was pressing down on them. The girls came back minutes later telling her to wake up a few more times as she heard the sounds of them giggling as this short term memory made her forget everything a few seconds later. It was utterly bizarre as subconsciously she knew that feeling like this wasn’t normal as for once she was focusing on how she was feeling and knew it had to be more than just the common cold, she hadn’t moved physically and didn’t feel like she could, the state was slowly wearing off and she was coming into normal consciousness but it was at the pace of a snail and even Serena and Camilla who were laughing hitting her with pillows didn’t help the tiredness wear off or make her brain feel any more alert, finally Serena had the decency to ask her “Hey Alissia.. Are you feeling okay, you look paler today” “I…” she spoke concentrating as she had a few attempts to get the words out which made her frustrated “I don’t know guys I really don’t feel that well” “Of course you do” Camilla snorted “She’s been awake all this time listening to us talk” she told Serena “I saw her open her eyes when the bell went off as I came back from.. Getting a glass of water, Alissia we all don’t like going through the audition process but since mummy is deciding who gets what I think you’ll at least make it to the chorus” Serena nodded “Hey I’m so nervous I’m shaking!” she lifted up her hand moving it more dramatically to pretend she was shaking worst “Hmm, you should be” Camilla muttered “What?” Serena asked “I said we should help Alissia get out of bed, here let me give you a hand” she pulled back the covers from her aggressively and gave her a hard shove out of bed so that she landed arse first on the floor, Camilla shrieked with laughter “Hey.. Watch it” A weak Alissia spoke “Oh I was only kidding I’m sorry” she said apologetically, she helped her stand up and then hugged her “Come on Serena let’s leave her to get ready, hey I think I need the toilet.. Do you?” She looked at her with that glinting look again “Yes, I think I do” she spoke very monotone as she exited copying Camilla’s confident walk as Alissia was left standing Alone as the brain fog kicked in again making her feel dazed and everything seem hazy.

She didn’t feel any better after having a shower and getting ready as the sheer effort of putting clothes on literally felt like the kind of effort an average person put it to a full day at school, she lay back exhausted on her bed as there was a knock on the door, she hoped it wasn’t Camilla as she didn’t fancy another shove on the floor “Come in” she muttered, it was Arianna who burst through the door “Get up Miss Alexandrov” she ordered as Alissia slowly got to her feet “What’s wrong with you today?” she questioned suspiciously “I don’t.. don’t know” she stuttered- why was it so hard to speak?! “I woke up like this, I feel very ill” she confessed, her mother laughed “Don’t try to pull that one on me, I’ve bumped into to Miss Lupton and her friend and they informed me you were trying to skive as you found out about decision day for the role of Odette, but just because you are a non-dancer does not mean you should worry, you already have traits of what it takes to be a good ballerina, physical traits anyway” Alissia knew her mother had got the complete wrong end of the stick about why she was like this today but she decided to just skip over it as she was in no state to explain again “What traits?” she asked “Well” Arianna began to explain studying her “For one your height and shape is similar to mine, you are skinny and a medium height as it is ideal that dancer are not massively tall, also the shape of your feet indicate you will do well as you have strong ankles, high arches and your second toe is longer than your big one” Alissia looked down at her tight covered feet, she was right but the matter of her still feeling ill was still apparent as she began to wobble as she stood, Arianna’s stern face went softer slightly to show some concern “Perhaps some food and a coffee will do you well” she spoke “try not to worry too much, everyone feels  the same about today” she patted her shoulder, showing a little affection for once as she walked down the stairs with Alissia who entered the great hall to follow her orders.

She grabbed a packet of breakfast biscuits and a strong coffee and made her way to the grade five table who had only Kristoff sat on it who was scribbling in a note book again “Hey good morning!” she said sitting down casually, Kristoff looked up taken a back again and slammed the notebook shut “Good morning” he said smiling a little pink in his cheeks, he paused concerned “Hey are you alright you look kinda pale?” “Yep, I feel like shit and I’ve still gotta do this audition” “Me too” he confessed “I’ve only been here a month but some of the guys are doing the same one but auditioning for Prince Siegfried” he complained, he didn’t sound passionate at all to Alissia’s confusion “Wait I thought everyone here loved dance?” “Most of them do” Kristoff explained “But I was pretty much forced into it as a kid and then I was made to go for an audition and ended up getting a scholarship here despite my obvious protesting” he looked down glumly and then picked up the notebook looking at it and then Alissia like he was going to tell her something “What?” Alissia asked smiling “My real passion is writing” he confessed “I’ve always loved it from being a kid and back home I got to do it all the time, just writing down random ideas that would pop into my head, but now it seems like I can’t get a free minute” “I feel exactly the same!” Alissia exclaimed “My Grandpa’s an artist and me and him would paint all day, not just on canvas’s either on the walls and the ceiling and if I got tired of that I’d make these!” she jingled her wrist showing off the array of friendship bracelets, Kristoff took her hand in his own and touched the bracelets gently “These are amazing” he spoke in awe “Thanks” Alissia giggled “Hey.. Have this one” she unfastened a brown leather one with various string weaved through it and tied it on his own wrist “Really for me! Thanks A! Can I call you that?” “Of course!” she beamed “My friend Katrina calls me that too” “She sounds just awesome” he said as they chatted away about Russia and Sweden until they got onto the topic of his family “So from what Henry said last night you must be pretty close to your mum, where is he by the way?” “In our room lifting weights” he scoffed “He does it everyday and… Erm not exactly it’s really complicated and stuff” there was a pause “Oh.. I’m sorry, hey you can trust me.. I mean we are friends now right?” “Yes” he smiled “Okay, well I don’t exactly have a mum.. Well I do but I’ve no idea who she is, when I was a baby I was adopted” “So you have an adopted mum” Alissia concluded “No not exactly…” he began again and sighed “I have two dads, no mum at all, you can laugh Alissia the rest of them did when they found out. It was one of them who pushed me into dance, he was a student here” “That’s not funny at all, in fact it’s sad that you were pushed into it, but having two dads.. I don’t see why it’s bad” he looked at her warmly a little taken a back and said “Well at least you’re decent about it, you’re a good person Alissia” “Hey it’s fine” she said as the bell rang as the decision day was about to commence “Come on we better go” he sighed “Best of luck A” as he stood up and hugged her.

Authors note-Woo! Over fifty reads on this book now- I can’t thank you enough, I’m on holiday next week so I won’t be posting for a week or so