M.E Is Not Me

Arianna

“And a one and two and three and four! Good Mr Karlsson, but more passion, live in the mind of Rotbart! And five and six! ALISSIA! This is not resting time! Agnes stop the music, for the love of God this is the twelfth time we have tried this scene today- ARGHHHHH!” Arianna was at breaking point, after two hours of trying to get Alissia to rehearsals nothing was yet to be achieved. It was now early January and with the rest of the students due back at the school the following day. She was determined to have her daughter beyond the standards of everyone else in her grade- so far she had failed, pushing her frail girl beyond her limits. She watched, her piercing eyes bulging as Kristoff dared to stop dancing to see if his friend was alright “Alissia please don’t cry you just need to rest, then you’ll be okay right?” he whispered this softly into her ear in order for her matriarch mother not to hear him, unfortunately his plan had failed “Mr Karlsson I do not appreciate you siding with my lay about of a daughter- AGAIN! Come along we are not leaving till we get this scene perfected, Agnes start the music!” the poor old woman stared bewildered as the brilliant dancer pounded across to the front of the studio determined to get this scene done “I will not tell you again start playing!” she stood with her feet in first position with her hands on her hips as the veins popped out of her neck “Mrs Alexandrov I’ve been playing for hours now, p-perhaps we should let the poor girl rest?” she stammered meekly “For the last time it is MS Alexandrov! Ms you stupid old woman! You know what fine just go, we’ll dance without the music, we’ll dance without the costumes, we’ll dance without anything because nobody in this school gives a shit!” she screamed this directly at the hunched old lady as she marched over to her locking her wild eyes on her own terrified ones as she threw the book the old woman had been playing from aggressively to the other side of the room “JUST GO!!” she waved her arms in the air like a crazy person as the poor pianist scuttled out ducking her head to hide her fear, Kristoff sat with Alissia shaking in his arms, they both wondered if today’s dance session would ever end.

Breathing heavily the teacher turned back to face her two pupils, this production would go her way, not Mr Karlsson or her own daughter would stop the vision from happening. She saw it now in her mind, her daughter, the best dancer after herself pirouetting across the grand stage perfectly- it was a vision she’d had many times, one for herself until she had finally achieved it before retiring. She turned her thin face to look at framed newspaper clippings on the walls of the studio, how the British newspapers had buzzed over her immense talent, but yet she didn’t truly feel fulfilled, she never would. 

Still in her daydream her eyes unfocused from the newspapers as her mind wondered picturing the image in her mind again. This time she saw herself, but younger. A mere girl with a big dream-  finally about to achieve it. Entering the mind state of Odette her swan-self pranced across the dance studio floor in Moscow, her own teacher praising her efforts finally after all the hard work and commitment had paid off, and then came the scene. He entered across from her as he ran toward her dancing in perfect time; it was Marcus, Marcus Morozov  or Prince Siegfried as he was in this moment “Good, good chemistry, very good acting you two” but no acting was needed for this. His curly head of hair flopped over his perfect face as for a moment they were frozen in each other’s eyes, nothing could hurt them, nothing could break them apart as his brown eyes gazed into her own lovingly giving her peace at last. And she felt it, she felt love. A different kind of love she’d never felt before. She felt no love from her mother, the woman whom she had to impress to receive it from and none from the lay about of her father who barley could provide for them. This was different, it was special and she knew he was thinking the same thing too.

“Ms Alexandrov please help her!” she was broken from her trance as a panicky Kristoff demanded she finally help her suffering daughter who lay groggy falling asleep in his arms. As she turned her head to look at her daughter she saw her father in her as one of Alissia’s curls tumbled down her face loosely, she looked at her properly for the first time, she looked weak and extremely unwell “I- I can’t go on like this, please I’m begging you” the poor girl muttered  “NO! No! We shall not have this you must get up and you must rehearse! We must have this perfected!” that word, perfected, a word her own mother had used to her. She paused still breathing heavily as for a second she felt like she was turning into her, she needed quiet for a minute “Ms Alexandrov are you alright?” Kristoff questioned- that ended her train of thought and made her explode with rage “NO I AM NOT ALRIGHT MR KARLSSON NOW I WON’T TELL YOU AGAIN GET UP AND DANCE! THE PAIR OF YOU LITTLE-““THAT IS ENOUGH!” a voice boomed as the double doors opened. It was Madame LeBlanc an elderly lady with a stern expression on her face who toddled into the studio using an old wooden cane to support her ageing body.

“Ms Alexandrov I will not have you speaking to our pupils here like that!” she shouted surprisingly loud in her strong French accent “Hello Mr Karlsson if you wouldn’t mind escorting yourself and Miss..?” “Alexandrov” he announced, the old woman looked at the mother and daughter like she had put two and two together “Yes Miss Alexandrov back to your rooms, I need a word with this Alexandrov over here” she gestured to Arianna looking concerned at Alissia as she could barely walk out using Kristoff as support, when they had left she turned her sweet expression back to stern again “Arianna what are you doing?!” she smacked her on the arm “We never ever speak to our pupils or staff in that manner, I have just had Agnes in tears try to make a formal complaint about you!” . Arianna looked shocked and calmed herself down “Madame I swear I am just trying to do my job to the best of my ability” “Ability?” “Arianna you are dancer not a teacher, but as I have always took care of you with the.. Situations you have been through I expected the highest of respect but you have done nothing but betray me!” “Betray you? Madame I do not understand”. The old woman shook her head ashamed at the arrogance her former pupil had displayed “People are making complaints about you” she broke to her “Telling me how you consider yourself a cut above everyone else, how you’re the best dancer so therefore the best teacher, I thought you were better than that but from what you’ve told me you seem to be turning exactly like your mother” “I AM NOT LIKE THAT WOMAN!” she yelled tears forming in her eyes “Then why put so much pressure on your daughter? Who by the way I thought you had no contact with, you do realise as headmistress I am the one who makes the decisions for scholarships and placements here and if it was any other teacher I would have them fired- immediately” Arianna hung her head in shame, her bottom lip trembling , she looked rather like a little girl in this moment “It was the situation Madame, I had no other choice if I hadn’t gotten her a scholarship here god knows what kind of life she could have had, it wasn’t safe for her in Russia” “And clearly Russia did no good for you either, have you told your daughter why you fled your homeland?” “That wasn’t my fault you know Zara forced us to come here, why can’t I just change everything?! Why couldn’t Marcus and I just live our lives?” She burst into tears as they splashed down her pale face, the old woman was overcome with sorrow for the poor girl as she embraced Arianna’s frail body trying to comfort her “I know dear I know, but you can’t force this girl into dance, she has never even trained before” “But she learns quick, it’s in her genes after all” “Even so, she is far from well enough to participate and it appears more to me than just exhaustion, she needs a doctor’s appointment” Arianna pulled the old woman off of her “She will be fine, it’s just discipline she lacks” “Mr Karlsson appears gravely worried about her, I advise you to do so” with that she kissed her cheek and exited the studio slowly, hobbling as she did so. Arianna walked up to the large mirror covering the wall staring at her blotchy complexion which was a result of her crying. And looking into her green eyes she saw her mother as the fear crept into her that she was turning exactly like her... Exactly like her. 

Authors note- Wow over 100 reads now on this book- thank you so much guys :D