M.E Is Not Me

This Is M.E

Alissia’s POV:

I slam my laptop shut as my mind tells me I can’t write anymore. I thought writing it all down would help but it’s just making it worst.

Wow where do I even begin?

I reflect in thought for a second as I lay propped up in my mother’s bed. I don’t want to be laying here. This is the last place I want to be. It isn’t helping me cope with the situation in the slightest but equally I can’t be in my dorm room with the people I used to call my friends.

Tears start to form in my eyes as old memories start to flash before me. I compose myself quickly as Madame LeBlanc enters. She hobbles in bless her and passes me a tray with hot soup and fresh bread. She smiles at me weakly and I force one back- she means well, I guess it’s just her way of coping with it all. She draws back the teal curtains to let in some natural light “You’ll be seventeen in a few weeks’ time” she says staring into the gloomy winter day.

Shit it’s almost my birthday. A whole year stuck in this place.

I don’t even know where to begin explain explaining to you, you must be pretty confused since off Madame’s age at the beginning of this story.

I guess I’ll start where I finished.

It was a blur of doctor’s appointments after it being suggested to Arianna, she was determined for me to be the White Swan, forever reminding me at every opportunity she had. “Come along Alissia, hurry up!” she hissed to me as we entered the doctors. I’ll never forget that first appointment, I was terrified imagining the worst possible outcomes- what would he say? Am I dying? What is wrong with me?! She sat there stone faced, glaring at any fellow patient who dared to make eye contact with her, I was the only young person in a room full of old people, I heard them whisper “Gosh she looks pale” and “Poor little thing, she’s so skinny” they weren’t wrong either, despite the ongoing fatigue that forced me to spend two hours a day just to get out of bed I was rehearsing from dawn till dusk for the stupid Swan Lake Production. When we finally saw the doctor my mother boasted to him not that he cared about her fabulous career and the show she was now choreographing- I was humiliated.

I wish I could tell you it was as simple as that, one doctor’s appointment and a few tablets later I was back to being myself but sadly this was not the case- extensive tests had to be done which included weight, height, listening to my heart, checking my ears, eyes, reflexes, blood tests for vitamin levels, iron levels, white blood count and what felt like every disease you could think of. Finally they diagnosed me with M.E/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, a medical condition of unknown cause, with fever, aching, and prolonged tiredness and depression, typically occurring after a viral infection (mine being glandular fever which was originally thought to be just tonsillitis). So not exactly music to Arianna’s ears- she got angry, very angry once they informed us there was no cure… No pain relief, no antibiotics, nothing.

The only thing they could do was give treatments like cognitive behavioural therapy, occupational therapy or even physiotherapy for all the chronic muscle and joint pains I developed.

We had them all, my mother complained throughout the whole process, becoming outranged when one therapist simply informed her I was too unwell to do the performance- she went insane after as her constant screaming at me in rehearsals had all but failed.

And I tried to please her I really did, I tried pleasing them all- Henry, Camilla, Serena, Rosabelle, even Kristoff. The whole thing backfired on me though- the pressure of everything was too much as rumours started to fly around school. Everyone knew about it and I felt ashamed to just be known as ‘that girl who’s ill’.

My friends were the worst support through it all. Camilla’s jealously level rose to its peak as she started most of the circulating rumours, egging Serena and Rosabelle on to fight against me- my weakness had made me ‘not cool enough’ to hang round with them since I was ill all of the time.