Dell's Journey

Chapter 8: Dell Is A Wordy Date

As 17-year-olds on the brink of high-school seniority,

Dell and Rian were, perhaps above all else, deeply

representative of upper-middle-class suburbanites:

1. "Becoming" something financially secure

2. Appearing and wanting to appear to "have it together"

3. Attempting to distinguish oneself from others and

failing miserably.

He was saying, "I guess I just don't feel like the guys I

hang out with anymore, you know? I mean, I am like them in

a lot of ways, but - I don't know. I guess what I mean is,

I don't want to be like them."

She asked, "Why? Do you think you're better than them?"

"No, no, not really. I don't see myself staying part

of the group, you know? I can feel myself drifting. I

don't think the same things are funny as they do, I don't

want the same things they want. It's like – I think about

things, you know? And I want to change. But the scary

thing is that that will probably mean changing alone."

"Maybe, but maybe not," she answered, looking down at

the table, as she did when she was formulating a thought,

"I mean, you might be lucky. You might get to keep some of

them – they might follow you. Haven't you heard? People

want to be around people who know what they are doing – who

know who they are. Maybe you will be a person like that

for them, you know?"

"I don't know" said Dell. "That's the problem! I

don't know what I am supposed to be. Everyone is going

away to become a marine-biologist or a chemical engineer or

an elementary school teacher. I don't want any of those

things. If I ended up like that I'd be like, 'Oh hurray, I

work in an office. I work for some sort of business. I

try to sell things. I am fulfilled as a person!' That is

the last thing in the world I want to end–"

"I want to be a literature teacher," Rian said

seriously. "I think it would be really great to do

something I already like, and to help kids learn how to

appreciate it too."

"Mhmm." Dell responded seriously, simultaneously

resenting the fact that things were so simple for everyone

else.

He tried to change directions, going for a sure-fire

laugh. "I want to talk about sports."

Rian chuckled modestly, but not quite as much as he'd

hoped. For Dell, physical feats were valued right above an