Dell's Journey

Chapter 27: A Breakthrough For Dell & Monster

They trudged on for several more hours. When the

thought of taking another step became utterly loathsome to

the travelers, they stopped. They collapsed on the

passageway floor and laid down upon the hard, uneven

ground.

Dell felt a little awkward, but gathering his courage,

he began,

"I think we made a lot of progress today, Monster."

Monster made a tired noise of agreement.

"I don't just the spelunking, Monster. I mean our

conversation too, you know? It was really helpful for me

to hear about your fears and your feelings and stuff."

Dell was referring to the conversation he and Monster

became engrossed in during the fourth or fifth hour of

their journey.

"Yes," replied Monster, "I think I know what you mean.

I feel the same: like we're both up against the same thing,

the same great struggle."

"We can't do anything!" said Dell eagerly. "We never

do! We are great at talking and at thinking things

through. You're a terrific musician – you're brilliant,

really. You're thoughtful and generous. You aren't afraid

to be honest, even about your shortcomings."

"Well thank you, Dell. You are a polite and wonderful

fellow. And you are a magnificent speaker. I know you

have your doubts, but you really do have a knack!"

Both laughed, half because of embarrassment and half

out of happiness at being complimented for the things they

most liked people to notice about them.

"But," Dell continued, "We really never do much."

"Ours is the realm of the debate, the realm of thought

and abstraction. Ours is the parlor, the library, and the

stage. But what of the real world?" Monster replied.

"Right!" said Dell, excitedly. "We love to deal in

abstraction. That's why we don't produce much. We're

arrested in this state of thinking. We never stick with

anything. We never get the chance to watch weeks of labor

go down in the flames, only to start anew. But I think, in

a strange way, we want to!"

Monster laughed.

"You know?" said Dell, not giving up.

"Yes! I do! I think you're absolutely right, Dell.

How do we begin though? Where do we start?"

Dell gave a groan of frustration.

"No, no! This is the problem. Don't ask that! We

are doing it. We need to get away from asking and

theorizing and start doing. We know how already, but we

avoid it. You remember I was telling you about that girl,

Rian?"

"Yes."

"Well that's a perfect example! I just froze in my

seat! I did nothing except complain and nurse the fears in

my head. I could tell I was being self-centered and

complacent, but I didn't take the steps to fix it. I just

let her go. Of course she found someone else! She did

something, she took a chance. I wasn't worth staying

around for."

"I see what you're saying. But don't you think you're

making it too simple? I mean, you were younger and in a

different place then. You were just beginning to be aware

of these things. Should you really blame yourself so

harshly?"

Dell thought for a moment.

"No. You're right. I can't beat myself up forever.

But I think the truth is simple, at least for my part. I

could have decided what I wanted and fought for it. Maybe

Rian still would have left. Maybe she wasn't even the girl

I truly wanted. But I'll never know, will I? I am

responsible for me, not for whatever else happens."

"Well this is all very empowering," spoke the Monster,

smiling and straightening out his wings with his hand.

"You sound like a perfect self-help book. Do you do

seminars?"

"I do," replied Dell smugly.

They lay in silence for awhile, noting the quietness

of the endless tunnel. Only the sound of their own breath

broke in upon it.

"I must say, I'm not thrilled to be sleeping in here,"

commented Dell.

"The benefits, as I see them," replied Monster, "are

that we are quite exhausted, and that the utter darkness

will likely act as a sleeping-mask."

"That's true."

"Ready?" asked Monster.

"I guess so," said Dell, and they both reached for

their lanterns and blew them out.