Colour Me Green (Camren)

Chapter 38 Closure.

The days I was dreading the days that would give me false hope or destroy it all and take me with it. The talk I had with Ryan was intense but it had to happen and i think all the emotions just blew over I just didn't know if Lauren knew.I would be seeing a lot of Lauren And Just Lauren which i kind of liked even though i knew i had to put boundaries and approach her a different way.Camden had left to prep and well I was ready to go head first into this.

"Hi" I said approaching Lauren

"Hi Camila"

"Any nerves kicking in yet?"

"Yes and No actually, I'm nervous but very excited, I think Cammie is the one" those words leaving her mouth killed me every single word

I'm very happy for you "

thank you is it okay if we go to the backyard to talk "

of course" we walked and sat on the swing chair

This chair has a lot of history between us" Lauren said smiling

Yeah a lot i miss us, just not even relationship wise i just miss you as a friend Lauren, I know ive told you the feelings i still have but I need to make peace with you and I understand the boundaries we have to have now because of our past but i miss you and love you so much just as a person" i couldnt hold back my tears and she couldn't either

I just want to apologize for all these compressed feelings that are coming out now I know i shouldnt of done things i did and im so sorry im so deeply sorry because I really do love all of you not just when we were in a relationship I really need you to know that"

I know Camila and i thank you, I miss you too but times have changed and so have many things that make us being us complicated"

I know that Lauren and i dont want to cause anymore harm on you than I already have or complicate you and Camden because she looks at you the same way i probably did, I just want your happiness but I also want to be a part of it if you let me because whether i want it or not you will always have a part of me and be a part of me and just being around you makes me happy as a friend as a person in general and i honestly dont want anymore regrets I want to be there for you for all your good times even if it kills me Lauren but I will be there for you the same way you were even through all this stupid shitty things I did.

"Camila you dont-"

"No Lauren i just i need to let this out i think this will be my only way of getting over it, I just want you to know why i did somethings, I got with your brother because i let my mother control my life her influence of having to date a guy and I knew Ryan would do everything for me to be happy I knew he would take care of me regardless and in that way I would see you im an idiot i know but i thought maybe me and you would be able to sneak around I dont know why i know you arent like that but that was all in my stupid head and i know it shouldnt be an excuse for me hurting you but i was stupid and just know it was my biggest regret and I dont want that for you,Be happy and find your happiness" I said as i hugged and cried into her shoulder being this close to Lauren made me feel calm the calm ill never feel with Ryan but i couldnt choose my feelings over hers anymore i had to let her be happy even if it wasnt with me.

"I love you Camz," her words made my heart flutter I looked into her eyes and i couldnt help but kiss her...i kissed her cheek knowing it was a different kind of love now

"I love you too so much Laur" I almost fainted after saying that so close to her

"I honestly hope im making the right decision" she said almost scaring me as if she would reconsider her and I

I Know you will"i said and hugged her one more time