Colour Me Green (Camren)

Chapter Eight June 11

I stared into the mirror and then at the white dress next to my bed.I felt my stomach twirl.I was so damn nervous.My wedding with Ryan was in three days and i didn't know how i truly felt.There was so much weight on my shoulders,it really did all happen too fast.The thought of not getting married crossed my mind so many times, knowing how much I was hurting Lauren but i was way too deep in to just back out now,i mean i loved Ryan but the relationship i have with him is different to the one i had with Lauren,we fell instantly and with Ryan it took time and it all just played out.I never really thought i would be getting married so early in my life especially not in this way.Almost forced but again not forced by anyone but myself,Lauren and I just couldnt be but we had been.Her words crossed my mind so many times all the hate her words spat out hurt me so much.I didn't know if to take it all seriously, I really didn't want to take it seriously, i mean i took her seriously but i knew her words were from anger and i really didn't want to believe she truly did hated me.She hated my decisions,at least i made myself believe that.

I was rambling.

"Its beautiful honey"

"Yeah,it really is" i said as i placed a gaze on the elegant white dress

"Are you nervous,it's okay to be nervous honey" the older woman said placing a hand on my shoulder

"Yeah,its just,it still hasn't sunken in that im getting married in a couple of days"

"I understand,i was filled with joy when i married your dad,all the nerves go away once you say "I do",you'll be spending the rest of your life with Ryan,This isnt just about you baby, now its about both of you and the family you will create"

One of the main reasons why i ruled out not saying " I do" was because of Ryan,because of "us" as my mother said.

"I know mama,im in good hands"

The older lady kissed my forehead and left me alone to designate myself with the choice i had made.

—-

Three more nights and my worst nightmare would come true,

i didn't hate her, just like him i loved her too.

Just like him i saw the most precious brown eyes in the world,

just like him i fell for her laugh and her amazing smile,

the way she has with words just forces you to surround yourself with her,

with her personality,

with every little thing she has to talk about,

just like my brother i fell for her instantly.

I loved playing with her hair and the scent of it on my pillows every morning,

i loved not having to explain to her how much i loved her because we spoke to each other through our eyes,i don't know how we did it but we did,i understood her more than i understood myself.Yet recently i didn't understand any of her decisions,her actions spoke more than words could explain,i guess?,I guess because im not sure if she is sure of herself and what she's doing.