V is for Vanessa

Chapter 9 - High School Crush

"I believe you owe me an explanation sugar." Matthew states in an eager tone.
     I knew at some point in time that this topic would come up like vomit. It's an uneasy conversation to withhold and I don't think I'm ready to unleash it.
     "I'm not in the mood. " Heck I'll never be in the mood to explain my past. "He's really nothing but an old friend from my hometown. We have some history, but it's not important and isn't of your concern."
     "Princess, ever since you so gracefully ran into me, I've become infatuated with your truly one of a kind personality. I think I deserve this."
I pause for about 30 seconds. I stand there as though I'm making a life or death decision. Do I tell them, or do I build a wall around myself, try to protect myself, and fail?
I know that mom and dad are watching my every move. I know they would want me to be safe and kept in place at all times, not having to fear every step I make. I'm gonna tell them. I have to tell them. I need to tell them.
"Please sit." I make a hand gesture towards the couch.
"Wow, fancy." Abby jokes, but I glare at her letting her know that this is no time for jokes.
I inhale a deep breath and release for 8 seconds. I learned this technique from my dad. He always said "If you're nervous or stressed, inhale the grey skies and exhale the blue ones."
"It all started in 2015 during my junior year of high school."
"I remember those days" he smirks.
"Matthew shut up." Abby shouts. I whisper a thank you and continue on.
"You know us girls, we're always so boy crazy. Well I was crazy for only one. Years upon years I had a crush on this boy. His name was Johnny. No his last name was not rocket. It was jet. Everyone called him JJ. At the time I had thought it was cute." I smiled but then frowned instantly.
"Anyways. He played football and I decided that if I wanted to get closer to him, all I had to do was manage the team. So I did. We talked all the time and soon our conversations became phone calls that lasted minutes, facetimes that lasted hours, and within months it turned into dates every Friday. I looked forward to the end of the week. After his games we would watch movies, eat popcorn, blah, blah, blah." I can see how annoyed Matty is. I can feel myself blabbering.
"To get to the point, we had the relationship that every high school, boy crazy girl would ever want. I was living my best life. We dated for about a year, but before nearing a year and a half, something tragic had happened in my life. My family was in a car accident on the way home from getting ice cream. A drunk driver had t-boned us. Of course my parents died instantly." I look up at their faces. Abby is tearing up and Matthew is dazed, as though he can't believe what he is hearing. As though he has experienced something so similar. I wonder...
"I'm so sorry V." Abby cries. I send her half a smile, with all the sympathy that I have and then I continue on.
"After the incident, Johnny faded as I melted away, broken up as though I had been run over and torn to pieces by the wheels of a train. He soon became physical with me. Pressuring me into things I did not want to do. He forgot all about our perfect relationship and became the person I was most scared of.
"He lost every single trait of nice he had, and gained many bad ones in the long run. Soon he dropped the football team, started hanging out with the gangs, and became the bad boy of our school. Our Friday night dates turned into parties I didn't want to go to. Gangs from all over town would be there. This led to enemies fighting and within minutes guns were involved." I see Abby gasp as though she knows what I am about to say.
"I know I shouldn't have stayed with him, but the thought of leaving him scared me. What he could have done if I had. So I never spoke, just went along for the ride. A couple months passed, and soon we were graduating. We went to one final party together. This was the final showdown. The party to break my bones.
"It all started with a couple of beers. Soon hard liquor, body shots, and beer pong. Everyone was dancing and yelling, and it was in that moment I knew I fucked up. I should have left. Things went to hell and got out of hand. Johnny's enemy gang showed up and started shit with him and his inner gang. It was then that he decided to use me as his human body shield. I screamed, punched, and pushed, trying my hardest to escape his grip, but he was too strong for my spaghetti arms. He pulled his gun and so did his enemy." Matthew looks at me with eyes wide open, as though realization had hit him. If I didn't know any better, it would appear that he has been in this situation before. He stays quiet and tries to hide his wide eyes and shocked expression.
"They threw a couple roasts at each other, but in a few seconds Johnny pointed his gun straight at the enemy. He responded instantly, allowing them to both stand there, frozen, for about 20 seconds. I closed my eyes with fear, not wanting to watch whatever happened next, but there was no need for watching, as I heard the shots, and instantly I fell to the ground." Abby looks at me with big eyes, red as a tomato from the tears that have created an ocean within her crystal blue eyes.
"Soon I was in the hospital. Don't worry, the shot missed my heart, but I was still in critical condition. My grams promised to keep Johnny as far away as possible. She had gotten every lawyer she could to keep him away. It is until now that I have seen him for the first time in months and now I'm here, sitting with two dorks who I've barely just met, sharing all my dirty secrets." I laugh, trying to lighten the mood.
Matthew stares at me, speechless which I would not expect of him. Abby on the other hand won't shut up about how sorry she is.
"So that's everything. Now you know. Are you happy?" I question with sarcasm.
"I, I, I.. I'm so sorry V." Matty speaks out ever so quietly. I gotta say I'm surprised, but I know he has more to say. I hate how gentle he is being. It's not like him.
I cant help but feel he knows this situation all too well.
I tell myself to shut up. I'm the girl who got shot because she couldn't tell her boyfriend no. I'm the dumb one. I shouldn't listen to my conscious.
All of a sudden he stands up and heads for the door.
"Where are you going?" I ask. He doesn't reply, turns his head towards me, and smiles a smile I know all too well to be fake. I plaster this one on myself all the time.
I look at Abby who is sitting on the couch speechless. The atmosphere is different, still. I knew I shouldn't have told them. Everything has changed. I didn't even tell them the whole story. I didn't tell them how every touch was meaningless, every kiss was fake, and every word meant nothing at all. How in that moment I became vulnerable, useless. How I can't even admit to myself that I, Vanessa Tucker was raped.
*****
Hey loves. Spent a long time on this chapter. It's not perfect, but it's here. So I hope you enjoyed reading it. What do you think is up with Matt? Why was he acting so weird? Stayed tuned. Please vote and make sure to comment any ideas you have for this book. I appreciate it so much. Maddy💛