My legs were shaky. I would have fell over if I hadn't grabbed the white brick wall. I was nervous. On top of that, I was in heels. I could walk in heels. I could run, jump, and dance in them. But this was the first time I had walked in heels since I was aloud to leave my wheelchair behind Friday. Today was only Tuesday. My legs were weak and now I wish I had listened to Giana when she told me not to wear these shoes. But I knew this was because of the nerves. I just knew. I put my sweaty palms together and sat on a nearby bench across from a small wooden desk with a plump woman behind it. She was absorbed in her computer. I took a deep breathe and put my hands in my head. I was still nervous about going out in public as Ruby. I love being Ruby. But I am so scared that Robert's past will come back and swallow me again. I can't relapse back into his habits. I am a totally different person who will not fall like he did. No, I wont.
This place was a nice place. The building was nice. Solid white walls and freshly clipped bushes. There was a electric fence around it and a security guard at the gate. The was a foundation formed by the Mayor of this city. She was a lesbian and quite proud. The name of this building was LGBT. It was full of support groups and classes. It had been attacked a few times from what I understood. The building might be solid white inside and out but the posters were what told the story. It was an inter community here. It was....a home. I felt myself calm down a lot at this thought. I stood up and smoothed down my striped dress. I can do this. I looked at the room numbers printed on silver plates and searched for room 208. I found it quick enough. Three doors from the right of the lobby area. I wondered why the numbers were smaller for a building I knew didn't have 208 rooms.
I turned the cold bronze doorhandle and entered the room quietly. This room was bright yellow. It had taped out runways and a corner devoted to hair, makeup, and clothes, then it had a circle of chairs full of all sorts of interesting looking people. There was a stool in the middle were a beautiful women with chestnut hair sat. She looked like the pretty teacher that boys went gaga over. She looked up at me and smiled and got up quickly. She walked up to me and shook my hand figerously. "Hi, you must be Ruby. My name is Jane and I am hear to help in all stages of the transgender to transsexual process." She said bubbly. She reminded me of Doctor Heather and my sister all at once. She didn't look trans. She almost skipped to a closet and the circle peaked at me curiously and a bit shocked.I shifted from foot to foot nervously. As she reemerged she had a chair in hand and scowled at the group. "It is not nice to stare, you guess know that." She said as she stuck the chair between a boy and a girl who appeared to be about eighteen or nineteen. They moved as did the rest of the circle.
I sat down and crossed my legs. Things still felt a bit odd when I sat. But crossing my legs seemed to help. I tugged on the hem of my skirt and bite my lip. "So Ruby, the way we do things is pretty easy to pick up on. Normally we go around talking about our weeks and what we can improve on. But because we have to learn about you and what stages you are at we will do things differently today. I hope you aren't too shy." She said smiling as the groups whispers started. I was glad I wasn't shy. I was the opposite really. I was nervous, not shy. "Okay so what should I start off with?" I said looking around at the people seeming giddy to talk to me. Jane pulled out a composite notebook and wrote my name on the front with sharpie. She opened it and clicked her pen. Then she looked up at me.
"Well I am going to record things in your notebook in my words as everyone ask you questions. Think of it as a game." She said smiling at me. "This will be you diary of your transition after today. I just need to write the basics out. That cabinet over there is were you can leave them so I can read them at the end of every sessions if you want. But you don't have to." She said pointing to the silver metal cabniet. Then she smiled. "So lets begin." She said with a crooked grin as the group seemed to just stir to live chattering. Hands shot up and eyes looked hungrily at me. Things were about to pick up rapidly, I could already tell. I clicked my tongue and looked around. I pointed to a man with blonde hair that was shaved on one side. He grinned and put down the hand he had been waving around towards me from across the circle. He giggled and little and took a deep breathe. Then he spoke.
"Hi my name is Justin. And I was wondering since this is a young transy group, how old are you?" He asked in a highpitch giggly voice. I knew that they would ask but this question still shocked me for some reason. My old therapist said I did't like talking about my age because my physical age and mental age had a gap. I smiled awkwardly and knew I was about to sound like a gossiping school girl. "Promise not to tell?" I asked everyone looking around at the group that I already felt comfortable around. I knew that no one could anyways. There was a poster that I had to sign before my mother could get me through the gate. It was one that said everything had to be confidential. But the group still nodded smiling. I giggled a bit. "Well, I am actually fourteen." The words rung through the room and it fell silent for a moment. The was brought to live all over again. Only this time, it was far more lively than before.
