Its hard to say that I am not nervous. I sit on this hospital bed with a papery baby blue gown on and an IV in my hand. I still shiver at the thought of the needle in my hand and look down and wince. Needles don't bother me normally but I hate it when I have IV's because they put them in my hand. But I know that this time will be worth it. Today I become a girl. Robert Sting will be dead soon. I will be Ruby Hart. I am still working on a story as to how I will explain things. Perhaps I can be Robert's long lost twin from England. Or maybe just a cousin. A niece of my mother's. Adopted from Canada. I think I like the last two best. My mind is still racing just as fast as my heart. I try to breath evenly but I am two jittery. I feel a haziness coming over me. I know that soon I will be wheeled back and officially become a girl. My sister Giana is here with me. She holds my hand right now and murmurs soothing words. I am scared but I do not regret this choice. I am just so worried that it won't be everything I had hoped. That instead of things getting better they will get worse. Maybe mother will be here when I wake up. She went to go and get me some papers made for school. Birth certificate, records with me as a girl, and what ever else I may need at this point. I'ld say by who or where but that information has to be kept secret, even from me. All I know is it is a man and a friend of fathers. Father is at a meeting in New York or he would have done it himself. Maybe he'll be back soon. I wonder what he'll think of me. If I'll make a pretty girl....my eyelids feels so heavy and everything is cloudy. I hear the door open faintly and I feel myself start to be moved. I yawn and that was all I can remember.
I arch my back and stretch and slowly open my eyes. I am still in the hospital. The blinds are drawn and lights are dimmed. I am glad it wasn't too bright. I rub my head and blink a few more times. I look at the bench in the corner and Giana is asleep against mother and mother is asleep against the greyish blue painted wall. I wonder how long its been. I don't want to disturb them so I press to button on the remote beside my bed. The little green light on the speaker to my left flicker and it is on. "I'm up." I said before "hanging up". I just wanted to see my doctor and ask some questions. I wanted to know mainly the stuff we had talked about but in more detail. My doctor was also a male to female so we had allot in common. I just really wanted to understand certain things that she hadn't gone into detail about. A nurse walks in swinging the door open slamming it carelessly against the wall. I put my finger to my lips and have a scowl on my face. She does a bow type thing and scurries around the room quietly checking things. Then she stuck her head out the door and called in another nurse. The slide me gently onto the rolling bed I had been on before that until now I hadn't realized I wasn't on. They wheeled me through the children's hospital that was brightly colored for a hospital but still more a puke shade of every color. They took me into a particularly bright room and I had to blink a few times before I saw it was set up much like a doctor office's room. Small but not overly. A rolling stool a counter and then a space for the bed. The one smiled at me and the other seemed sort of out of it and they both left.
I heard a toilet flush and a sink be turned on and off. The door beside the counter opened and my doctor blushed a bit, She was a forty-plus woman with blondish gray hair and extremely predominate dimples. "Sorry about that nature had called right after you did." She smiled. "I knew you would want to talk to me after you woke up so I just instructed the nurses to bring you in here. So do you have any more questions or do you want to just sort of ask more for tips on being an MtF?" She asked smiling warmly as she sat down in the stool. I was a little shocked. Why hadn't I thought of that? I had never asked for tip from anyone. Giana used to help me with my makeup and give me little tidbits of information but I never thought of asking someone who is MtF about it. "Both." I replied wanting to hear stories and personally thoughts on it. "First I have to be more of your doctor than friend and tell you the basics about recover." She said placing grabbing her clipboard. "So let's see.....recovery time for the surgery ranges from 2-4 weeks. 6 weeks or longer if there is a complication. Activity during the first 5 weeks should be limited, especially with bending at the waist and separating one’s legs to often. It takes several weeks for the new private area to establish itself. I would like for you to use a wheelchair that can be provided but you defiantly shouldn't walk for about the first 6 weeks. By about 8 weeks out everything should be normal even though you still have to adjust to the switch. Sports are discouraged until you feel that there are no sore or raw areas that cannot stand moisture or potential bacterial contamination. Sexual activity is actually possible by 6 weeks, although 3 months is the official recommendation and hopefully you aren't going to participate in sexual activity so soon, you are only fourteen Ruby." She said and smiled brightly at me.
She always called me Ruby. She said when she switched she insisted on the name Heather before and after the surgery. I'm not sure but I think that she was born a Harry or Kieth I can never remember. The realization I am a girl is still sinking in. I am officially a girl. I smile and look up. Heather is staring at me as if waiting for me to come out of my head and focus. "Okay now for some MtF gossip." She said giggling like she was as young as me. "Okay so firstly I'ld like to say that you truly are a scientific miracle. You are the youngest person in the world to have the surgery after everything had developed. You aren't currently going to make headlines because of our agreement. But when you come out in the future, yes, you probably will." She said this and her pager buzzed. She then grabbed a piece of paper and pen. "Normally I don't recommend this class because it is aimed to twenties and below transgenders but this is a class for young MtF transgenders and you seem to fit that description. It gives allot of tips and pointers. Teaches you how to walk and do makeup and hair and what-not. I would love for you to do this. Please contact me at week eight with your decision. I hate to leave without giving you any tips myself but I was just called to go back to my clinic. A pregnant MtF just came in for a checkup. I am sorry Ruby but I know you are going to grow up to be a beautiful woman and that I will see you around. Don't forget to take you hormones and blockers. Goodbye Ruby." She said in a rush. She pecked my cheek and called for a nurse. The plump nurse from earlier came in. She smiled at me and wheeled me back. A class for transgenders.....I definitely want to attend that.
