Anastasia Novelization

Love is Not What Revolution's For

I haven't seen Dmitri or Vlad all day on account that I'd been accompanied by Lily to nearly every shop and boutique in this city throughout the morning and afternoon. I have grown quite fond of her and quirky ways. She truly believed in me and wanted me to have everything... and by everything I mean everything. She'd bought me an entirely new wardrobe including a stunning new blue gown, gloves and pearls for the ballet this evening.

I rest my arm against the car window looking out at the remnants of the rain storm that was starting to dissipate. I had hardly been able to spare any thoughts beside those of the night before. Dmitri's words have haunted me since the moment he'd spoken them. They were true, that was why they bothered me so much. I'm so very anxious to speak with him again but I miss him, I want him by my side when I go in to meet the Dowager. I believed that he would stay by my side until everything was settled, he'd kept his word this far, surely he could keep it for one more night. I sigh as we pull up to Lily's house. I'm helped out of the car, an umbrella is held above me as I'm escorted up the steps. Her home was quite lovely and while it definitely belongs in Paris there are little relics of Russia here and there.

I'm caught looking at a beautiful porcelain doll sitting tucked away in a little corner.

"It was Maria's when she was a girl." I turn to find Lily. "I took it before I left when the family was... when you were being moved to Yekaterinburg. A lot of us fled the country that day." I look away. The memory of that day was hazy but it was there, I don't want to remember that time anyway. I leave the doll behind not wanting to disturb the memories of my sisters. I make my way to my makeshift room where I take another hot bath and wash my hair once more. I'm sat down as a team of people surround me pinning up my hair and painting my nails.

It's a long process and by the time they're done with my makeup and hair it's nearly dark. They've all gone away leaving me to put on my dress. It's the purest blue fabric I'd ever seen and the embellishments gave it the most beautiful shine. I pick it up studying the detail on the bodice. There was no turning back after this. I am ready. I let out a long breath before stepping into it. Moments after its on the woman have returned with jewelry and gloves. They zip it tightly and then come the earrings and the pearl necklace. The gloves come last and then they turn me to the mirror. I look like a completely different person, a duchess. I hold my head a little higher as those around me ooh and ah. Lily enters the room next she clasps her hands together. "You really are her." She saunters to me and holds my hands. The look was indeed persuasive. "My dear girl." One hand finds my cheek. "My dear Anastasia, just look at you. Your sisters would have adored this." Her comment nearly makes me tear up. Their faces had become clearer since the nightmare. I nod to Lily kindly before she steps away and holds an arm out towards the door. We walk together down the stairs and out into the cool evening. 

The car ride is uneventful but the streets are once again full of life. The theater is glowing with light and beautiful dresses, and suddenly the refuge of the car is cold compared to the uncertainty of the ballet.

Before I know it the car door has opened and I'm helped to the base of the stairs. Vlad meets us there and takes Lily's arm giving me a smile. I look behind him hoping to see Dmitri but he's no where to be seen. Vlad saw this little look. "He's up there." He nods his head up to the landing that broke the flight of stairs in half. I dip regally before climbing up the stairs as quick as I can.

As I reach the top step I can see that he's on his knee tying his shoe. I take the moment to walk up in front of him because I don't have any words come to mind for him. He pauses as I stop. He looks up slowly and I clamp my mouth shut waiting for his reaction. We're caught in the moment, he continues to look up at me mouth agape and I at him wanting him to speak. he hops up suddenly and offers me his arm. I take it gracefully and can't hide my smile. I notice all the eyes on me very quickly as Dmitri escorts me up the stairs to the theater and then up the grand stairway to our balcony seats. As we take our seats I look out over the stage as well as the large crowd searching for the Dowager's face.

As the light lowers and the music swells I catch a glimpse of her in the balcony across from us. I reach out to my side gripping Dmitri's arm. He reacts immediately, thinking something might be wrong. I silently point towards the opposite side of the auditorium. He gently takes my hand in his and holds it there as the ballerinas take their places. I instantly relax, turning to watch the beauty of the Russian ballet. I should relax and enjoy these fleeting moments, but how can I now that my past and future are so near.

It's difficult to focus on the whirling of the dancers when she's sitting right there, all my answers, everything I was and could be. Dmitri must've notice my wandering eyes because he leans in, "It's going to be alright." He gives my hand a light kiss and a squeeze. I take a deep breath, he's right it will be. I will either be accepted as Anastasia or I won't I will find a way to live on no matter what happens. He's still holding my hand as the lights go up, even as the people around us stand to applaud. He turns to me once more. "Are you ready?"

"Yes." I say without hesitation. Standing with him we exit onto the top floor. There's a beautiful view over the railing out at the people below. Dmitri continues on a few steps to Vlad and Lily as I take in the beautiful view over all the attendees. It takes away all my nerves, looking down over the smiling people. I scan the rows admiring the dresses. They rest on a corner where a man looks up. He holds my gaze as I grip the railing in front of me tight. Gleb. I reach behind me flailing my arm trying to catch Dmitri. I turn back just for a moment calling him and tugging his shirt sleeve. Looking back over the crowd I've lost him. It could have been my imagination.

"What is it?" He asks me stepping next to me also looking down over the people.

"Nothing... I just thought I saw... Nevermind." I turn away trying to focus on the task ahead of me. Dmitri catches my hand and puts a hand up to my face. I know he's trying to get me to tell him what I saw but I hold my mouth closed for fear I might let out more than I mean to.

He caresses my cheek and nods. "You are Anastasia. You are." I take his hand away from my cheek and then hold it against his cheek just for a moment. Scared to look into his eyes I look to the floor and turn towards the door to the Dowager's box. I let go of Dmitri and then look up holding myself regally. 

I take a deep breath, hold up my skirt and then enter the room. I wait just behind the curtain and listen to Lily who is frantically trying to persuade the Dowager to just take one look at me. My smile slowly begins to fade as the arguing between the two continues. "Tell them all that I know their kind too well! When will this torture end Lily? Why did I even try?" Lily looks back and sees that I've entered and gives me a sad look but the Dowager does not even care to shift. In a panic I turn and run out the door. The humiliation, the dishonest lies i've been living.

The tears of frustration and embarrassment start to flow as I exit back into the main hall. Dmitri has his back to me pacing back and forth. When he turns he sees me and suddenly I feel rage towards him.

"What happened?" He asks rushing to my side.

"She wouldn't even look at me... 'Tell this imposter Lily that I know her kind too well, she wants money and to break an old woman's heart to get it.'"

"I'll tell her the truth." He says sensing his own fate coming. He starts for the door but I hold out a hand to stop him.

"What that I'm a pawn in this scheme of yours? That you made me think I might be someone I never was or ever could be? I was cold, and hungry, and desperate when I first met you Dmitri, but I wasn't dishonest." Once the words are out I regret them, but what else is there left to say but the truth. Just another girl to be lost to his charm, perhaps that was what happened to Natasha. "I hate you for that!" I say. More things I didn't mean to say.

"Anya." He says trying to reach for my hands. I shove him away swiftly.

"No." I say. "I can't do this anymore." I shove him once more before wiping the tears and running down the stairs as fast as I can. He doesn't make another attempt to stop me.