Here im half lying on the ground while having my coconut drink. My life is turned to be a tragedy but im having drink like i visit this island for my vaccation.gross.
What else would i do? My mind became negative to me now a days.like we're crashed in this freaking island its almost a month. How far we could make this? Like without an actual food,a proper health,i trying my best to comfort myself but i can see the truth.
Look at abey, it is visible that he loses so much weight than he already is.i can easily count his ribs.my body acts same as his like they started eating itself.we are not horrible like a skeleton hanging in biological lab but my arms became thin like the bones only covered with a few layers of skin.my collarbones are more visible than before.as long as i didnt get any disease im ok with this.
I dont have anything to do.i bit my nails it grows realy fast like it uptakes a separate food.
Your never get a trouble if you listen to your ma.. my inner thought snaps.what? It doesnt like she stops me from flying back to melbourne.yeah.she want me to be with her always but its a mothery feeling right.yeah thats what i said exactly.shut up. No mom in the earth would willingly leave their child but they felt happy for us anyway.i realy need to stop my mind from these stupid things.yosika onum ilanu enanavo yosikithu.after all if im not here i would never meet abey.what? Just nothing.
I roaming inbetween the rocks and our hut.i finally settled on our hut. Inside was like a little mess coz abey and i puts the cloths and stuffs here.in night time we drag everything and put them in to one corner so we can sleep in place.ok huge mess.
Considering that im total free now i can fix this mess.i found that abey is more organized than me coz my cloths are eye catchingly spread across the room.i grab and fold all my cloths and put in a place.i turned to his things.i also folded his cloths and put them in his place.then i found a piece of paper there is something written on it. i took that and read 'i felt something heavy on my cheat the air in my lungs gotout with a strong push when i chocking for air, my eyes are blurry i wipped my face.when i saw her, she's looks something b__' the paper torned.under his tux i found a small notebook and pencil.i wonder where he get those.but its look pretty old the small this paper can fit in to this.i think the paper belongs to this note.so those are abey's his handwriting is preety neat. I opened the note and flip a page it written 'abey' in a big font. Is he a poet or is he use this as a dairy? Open or not? What if its his personal thing? Who is that he mentioned in the paper? No. This is not good manner harika so i folded the paper and put that inside the note.i felt bad for read that paper but its an accident.
"What are you doing?" A sharp voice get my attention where the owner of the voice standing infront of me.
"Hey, uh i thought this place need some maintanence so i_" he cut me off " im asking about that" he nods pointed to his notebook in my hand.
"Ah i found this under your tux" i said.
"You read them?" He asked in a annoyed tone eyes glued to the notebook.
I dont want to lie to him.i read the paper with no idea what it has.its an accident.so i honestly admitted to him.
"Not fully, i found a paper then i get that sliped out of your dairy but_" before i finish he interrupt.
"Give it to me" i handed him his notebook or dairy.
"I dont actually know thats you_" again he cut me off.what.
"So, you read all of them?" Its more like he confirmed than he asking me.
"No.not exactly.but i stopped when_" he show his hands to stop.make me felt bad like i was doing some criminal act.
"Enough harika" he said by my full name gave me a impact in my heart not a good one.
"You dont have to put your hands in everyone's bussines" he said coldly.
What?why is he act so weird? I got sick of his attitude.its make me annoy.its more like defending me.could someone act like this for a silly reason.
"Listen abey" i try to gain his attention but he s not look at my eyes which hurts more so i carryon "i dont know thats ur belonging if i knew i didnt even put my lashes on your bloody things" i said feedup by his actions.
He looks like not convinced or trust my words.his blue eyes darted with many emotion but anger dominates.
"Why are you curious about my fucking things" he said through his gritted teeth.
"Mind your language abey" i said with my hands fisted.
"As long as you mind yours.i thought you eventually get things but this is what your parents thought you.you kept on tr_" i cut him off .
"stop it" he s suprised by my sudden outburst but still maintain his mad state.tears started blur my vision.
"i get that now,yeah once i care but not anymore" i said without his reply i went out.
Tears begens to roll down.i never expect such words from abey. There is no one had a right to throw such words towards my parents.what does he know about them.he knows nothing.i think he were protective over me he cared about me.everytime when he unleash his other face i never hesitate to forgive him coz i thought this was him whose roaring like a bear but kept nothing mean inside.but not anymore.he knows how much my parents are meant to me still what is he trying to prove. im wrong? Im not raised good? I can show him my middle finger but its hurting.i can easily throws words towards him but i dont want to look at him like that.i always saw that in his eyes but he play with my feelings over a stupid note book?
Stop this drama harika.my inner thought harshly snaps me. Yeah i have to listen to me.but what about everything.those looks, cares i thought he likes me.i hope he would never hurt me.what did you expect. Yeah i thought he protect me.he promised me that he never let anyone hurt me instead he hurts me by all my feelings.i dont wanna blame anyone. fault is mine. Mine to trust him, allow him near me, to fall for him. Falling? Falling for him? More tears came out my eyes. No.i should stop myself.im not falling for anyone.one time is enough.all the thought from my past rushes into me makes me weaker than i alread was.i insert other thoughts to not remember those things.but failed. sri only needs my money. If he asks me i would just throw then right in to his face but he made me fall for him then pretends like he loves me then stab my back.i never compare abey with sri.if sri is the last person could help me if the earth going to explode i choose to die.abey still dont know my identity,it doesnt mean i defending my feelings for abey.im tired of his bipolar state.he can talk about me but my parents.no.
My parents, they suffer a lot than me, but never once they scold me or blame me for my situation that i made. if they want they could do scold me can passes their words like a needle instead they care for me,loves me,support more than before and let me made my decisions on my own.this make no sense if i tell him everything just to prove me and my family?i choose to quit.i take a deep breath just dont want to recall any of past incidents.i wipe the tear stains off my face.
i walk so soo far.i dont want to continue the drama..if he made a wall inbetween us im never gonna break it. its not my problem anymore..All i just want now is leaving this island,leaving his sight..the only thing i could do is 'wait'.
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