[ten]

272 7 1

by soul-santa

by soul-santa

a/n it's been 3 years! I'm finally doing much better mentally, and I'm trying to get back into writing. do I remember how I initially wanted this story to go? No. Am I going to try to make this readable? Yes. So thank you for your patience and I hope you stick around ❤️

"(Y/N)!"

You gasped as you were shaken awake. Without thinking, you rolled over and kicked with all your might.

"Ah! No, it's just me! Alice!" Alice cried, darting away to avoid your kicks. "You were crying in your sleep, so I just wanted to see if you're okay."

"A-Alice?" you repeated, your voice shaking.

"Yes, it's me! In Captain Levi's squad!" Upon seeing recognition flicker in your eyes, Alice seemed to see you would not attack her anymore and carefully walked back to your bedside. "How are you feeling? You looked really rough yesterday morning."

"Yesterday morning—?" you repeated, looking out the window in confusion.

"Yes, you slept for almost 24 hours. Honestly, I wish I could sleep for that long," Alice stretched. "But there's much to do! Training! Captain Levi sent me here to check up on you, see if you're feeling up to it today."

"I..." your voice trailed off. You didn't want to go outside, hear the whispers of others, and you didn't really want to see Levi either. Despite all your efforts to seem strong, you always reverted back to the scared, weak girl in the Underground, always relying on him. But if you did that, the whispers would only get worse. You'd be labelled as weak, as unneeded.

You'd be thrown away again.

Shuddering at the thought, you got to your feet. Your legs felt like they could barely hold your weight and the room was spinning, but you stood firmly until the feeling returned to your legs.

"Yeah, I'm coming," you told Alice. "Give me a minute to get changed?"

"You got it," Alice said, already making her way to the door. "I'll be waiting outside. Just holler if you need anything."

"...Thank you," you replied, still not used to kindness and civility. Taking a deep breath, you walked to the bathroom at the end of the row of bunk beds. You were startled when you saw yourself in the mirror: your (h/c) hair was thin and was starting to become white, eyebags sunk into your face, and your skin could only be described as sickly.

'I am you,' the skeleton in the mirror seemed to say, 'You are wasting away. Soon, all that will be left of you is a pile of ashes and bones, swept back into the Underground.'

'You'll be back where you belong.'

'No one will care.'

'No one will remember you.'

'Isabel and Farlen are gone, and Levi's moved on. You're on your own here.'

"No..." you whispered, shutting your eyes. "No, no, this can't be it..." you took a deep breath. "Bad thoughts go away, bad thoughts go away..."

When you opened your eyes, you still looked terrible, but at least you didn't look like you were on the verge of death anymore. "I'm okay. I'll be okay," you whispered, trying to push the image to the back of your mind.

"(Y/N)? Everything alright? Almost done?" Alice called from behind the door.

You mustered all the strength you could to steady your voice.

"Yes."