Saving Me

chapter 4

      When I arrive at school, I see shane waiting at the picnic tables. He doesn't see me because he's listening to music and has his eyes closed. I sneak over to him and quickly kiss his lips to surprise him. He opens his eyes instantly just as I pull away. Then as soon as he sees me, he pulls me into him and kisses me back. Then I pull away afraid a teacher will see us.

     "Whats the matter baby?" he asks when I pull away.

     "Nothing. It's just that we don't wanna get in trouble."  I say while looking into his gorgeous eyes. Then I look down to his perfect lips."But believe me, it's taking everything thing I got not to continue kissing you baby."

      "Oh yeah,  don't need to get kicked out during the first week of school." He says laughing. " But it is taking every ounce of my being not to pull you into me and kiss you like you've never been kissed before. "He grabs both of my hands and entangles them into his own.

      I look down to our now entangled hands, then I look back up to him. A stupid grin is spread across my face, but I don't care. Because I know he loves me, and I love him. For a few seconds, we just stare into each others eyes. The silence isn't really silence because our hearts and our souls are talking to each other. We are so lost in the moment that we don't even hear the bell. It's only when all the students are rushing inside, do we realize the bell has rung. I pull him off the picnic table trying to help him down, but he slips and falls into me. We are now laying on the ground, and he is on top of me. He quickly kisses me, then jumps up and helps me up.

       "You did that on purpose you jurk!" I say laughing.

       "Damn strait I did. Gotta take all the chances I have to get close to you. Are you okay though?" he asks making sure I'm not hurt.

        "Yes I'm good baby. But I gotta say, feeling your body pressed against mine, was...was..." I lose my words thinking about it.

       "Was what?"he asks, with a sexy smile spread across his face as his eyes light up.

       "Was hot. Extremely hot." I can feel myself blushing. "Did I really just say that?"I ask myself silently.

       "Well good, because there's more from where that came from." he says with a wink.

       We get into the school as the halls are clearing out.We run to our locker and then to our first period . The bell rings just as we sit down.

    "We were almost late!"I mouth to him while silently laughing.

     "But we weren't."he says smiling.

      We turn our attention to the front of the class, where the teacher is going over what we will be doing next week. We sneak glances at each other every once in a while. 30 minites into class, I look over to him. He is looking at me, but it's not my face he's staring at, it's my wrist. I quickly look down and what I see makes my stomach twist. My sleeves have somehow managed to come up,  revealing my new and old scars. I instantly pull the sleeve back over my scars, then I look back up at him. I can see the worried look in his eyes. His expression is feeled with pain.

       "Baby, what is going on with you? Why didn't you tell me? Are you okay? " he writes on a note, then passes it to me.

          "Baby, please... I was going to tell you tonight. And I don't really know if I'm okay. Just please don't be mad at me, I'll explain everything later. Okay baby?"

           "I'm not mad, I could never be mad. I'm just worried baby..... We can talk later tonight.  I'm so sorry your going through such a hard time, but I will try and help in anyway that I can."

          The rest of the day goes by so fast. The whole day, I'm lost in my thoughts. I can't get the image of Shanes worried look when he seen my cuts, out of my head. I can't help but feel guilty that I have let a person into my life, and now I have already hurt him. He seemed so hurt because I hurt myself. I'm worried about how he is gonna react when he finds out that I can't stop cutting. So many feelings are running through me. I've never told anyone about cutting, and no one has ever found out, until now. I'm scared. At lunch, he didn't mention what he saw this morning. But he was quieter then usual.  So I know it's bothering him. When school let's out for the day, we walk hand in hand to his truck. He's still quiet, so when we get in the truck I can't take it anymore.

       "Baby, please talk to me." I say as tears stream down my face.

        He looks at me with pain in his eyes. He reaches over and wipes my tears away with his hand. "Baby, im not mad. I promise I'm not mad at you. I'm just so worried.  I haven't known you for very long at all, but I love you already. I care about you so much that it kills me too know you hurt yourself. All I want to do is protect you. But how can I protect you from yourself?  How will I beable to keep you from cutting? I can't make that decision for you,  it's in your hands. I'm just scared that I'm gonna lose you. I just got you,  and I wanna be with you until the day I stop breathing. I'm planning on that being until we are old and gray. How can I grow old with you, if your not there? What if you accidently cut to deep?I could never live with myself knowing you died and I could have kept it from happening." As he says this, tears begin to run down his face, his expression strained.

       "Baby, I can't promise I'll stop, but I will promise I will try soo damn hard. Please don't worry, I'll be okay. Its all going to be okay. I will learn to cope one day, now that I have you. I have hope since you came into my life. And now I have more hope to stop. Please just bare with me. All I need is you, and now that I have you, I have the strength to stop. Just promise me you'll help me stop, please. I can't do this on my own. And your aren't gonna lose me, not now, not ever." I wipe his tears with my thumb, as I look into his eyes.

         "Baby I promise I'll be here every step of the way, you will never face this fight alone. I'll try my best to help you in any way possible. I just am so worried, I just love you soo much baby." He looks back into my eyes, and this time is much more serious, "I love you."

         I dont have time to reply before he pulls me onto his lap, and kisses me. With every breathe we take, the kiss intensifys. I can feel the love pumping through me, and I love it, but I pull back knowing we can't go any further.

     I'm breathing really hard from how intense and fast the kiss was. But I still manage to talk. "Thank you baby, for being here for me. I love you sooo much, and I'm going to try to stop, for me, for you,for us." he smiles and then I began talking agian." And by the way,that kiss was, hot. That was, amazing. That was truly special.  But.... but we need to be careful, okay?" I say trying to lay down the rules in a nice way.

     "Your right it was everything I needed and wanted, so amazing. And okay baby, yeah your right. We need to take it slow. I'm okay with going any pace with you.  I will never ever make you or expect you to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing.  The time will come when we will go further. But I will wait for how ever long you think necessary.  Okay baby?" he says as he pulls me closer to him.

     "Thank you baby. You really are special." I say staring into his eyes. Then I give him one quick kiss before I climb off him and onto the seat beside him. "Where you wanna go?"

       "My house okay?" he asks.

       "Yeah, my dad won't even notice that I'm gone. Plus I wanna see where you live so I can stalk you." I say with a smile.

         "Okay, good. and yayy, I've always wanted my own stalker!"he says laughing. His laugh is so cute and contagious. I began laughing too.

         "Then to your house we will go." I say still laughing.

          "To my house it is then." he gives my hand a squeeze before he begans driving." I love you baby."

          " I love you too." I say smiling.