You Don't Know My Story

secret told

     One call. One person. One word. Your secret cannot be a secret if known by someone else. 

      I cried wolf. My secret is no longer a secret. The man responsible for fucking me up is behind bars . What do i think and feel? Well i think what the fuck did i do! I feel guilty and i want to take it back but i know i cant. People know. Law knows. Its so damn funny how he ruined me. Made me feel like i was shit. Abused me. But I feel bad for this fucking piece of trash! He is my family. Except he is not. Family is supposed to protect you. Family is supposed to help you. Family should not fucking hurt you and use you for their pleasure! How can you love for someone but hate them so much to wish them death? I am trying so hard to not blame myself but i am the reason he is where he is and i know that it actually is because of his actions but if i never would of told he wouldn't be there. I know him and i know that he cannot handle prison.

    I got a call from a prosecutor. They asked me how long I wanted him to go to prison for. This man hurt me in so many ways i cannot tell but, I will never choose if a person gets to die in a prison or live to see the beach again. The worst part is i may have to go home and go to a trial. I said i was okay with this because i miss my home. I miss the only family that cares. I would have to see him in the trial. I don't know if i would be able to look at him.For what he did and for what i did.I am scared. He had a dog. A family, all of his family will be there and they are going to look at me for the blame. The worst part is that i have met them. Slept at their house. played with their kids. I could try to be positive and say that none of this is my fault but what would that really do. That voice would still be there telling me that all of this is on me and i should get my consequences for it.

   Killing yourself is not easy.Its like when your doing it all the pain all the stuff that you put in a tiny box in a small corner broke out and is all coming at you at once. All the pain that you feel makes you want to do it more but then you feel weak and you feel scared to be dead.I feel scared to live.I feel scared to die. I am scared bout everything i do because you never know if it will be a bunny behind the box or a lion.

*message from author*

everything that i write is true and from experience and is current in my life right now. I am sorry i have not been able to update my story i gave up on it for a while but i thought i would give it a go. If you ever need to talk please text me                                                                                                                             snapchat:   love-kenna436         instagram:  makenna_bihh