You can feel pain in two ways mentally or physically. Everyone has felt pain in their life some more than others. Do you want to know what the wort pain is? The worst pain is mental pain. Things in my life caused me mental pain and it kills be in side everyday and it has for most of my life. Some times the pain gets so bad i cant live with myself. I blame myself instead of blaming those who really hurt me. Mental pain can cause the physical pain. I try to push reality in this small tiny box and shove it in a corner but, everyday a piece of the box rips. Sometimes its hard to breathe. Its hard to feel. Its hard to wish and to hope. What is most hard is trying to live with myself. Blood has poured from my wrist to the drain. I wake up everyday questioning my existence. When i try to end my life suddenly i feel vulnerable and week. This guilty pledge i have given myself isn't about me. Its about what THEY did to me. What They deserve for this but, they don't because not matter what i do i will always hate myself for being more and for being less.
People like to wear this mask. They wear this mask when they are scared, weak, vulnerable, depressed or maybe they are just fake. People try and act tough. They want to act like someone else because on the inside everyone is fucked up in their own way. I try to fake my happiness and sometimes it feels so real but at the end of the day i am the only one that knows the truth.
Hate can over power you. I hate him for what he did but, he was their for me when i needed he loved the most important person to me. I loved him. I trusted him. I let him in. HE HURT ME. I did this. I am the reason that he did this. What did i do to make him want to hurt me so bad.I tried to protect him for so long. I tried to hide "our secret". What does that do for me? Make me suicidal? Fucked up? I label myself because I want to make sure that i know i am nothing. That i mean nothing to anyone and that nobody would give a fuck if i was dead. Where am i better off?
My dreams, my hopes, my wishes they are just that, dreams. I am nothing. I will never be anything.
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You Don't Know My Story
Historia Cortashe was someone on the outside. Nobody really knew who she was on the inside. People always assumed she was this perfect girl, but she was the only one who knew the truth
