The Bikini Syndrome | WATTYS2019

» thirty: a very real conversation with a therapist

The dreaded Monday arrived.

At least, Holly dreaded it. Her parents were a bundle of nervousness and forced optimism as they hovered over her in the parking lot outside the psychiatric office.

Sunny Minds read the sign.

Holly's face was positively stormy as they walked into the lobby. Her mom stood beside her, chatting with the receptionist about the weather as she filled out paperwork for Holly. Holly knew her mom was simply trying to cover up her nervousness about the visit, but she found the chatter annoying.

So she took a seat beside her dad.

He ruffled her hair, and for a moment, she felt younger, like a little girl again. "It'll be okay, kiddo. Dr. Inho isn't the shrink you've read about in books or seen in movies. She's just someone you can talk to, like me or your mom."

"Then why can't I just talk to you and mom?" Holly said shortly.

"Well, you've been though a lot, Holly. It might be better for you to talk to a professional, especially before you make any hasty decisions."

"But I'm fine."

The words sounded flat, even to Holly. They left a bad aftertaste in her mouth, and she decided just to remain silent. After all, her dad didn't need to know about the nightmares. They weren't that bad.

Even though they left her waking in cold sweat.

Even though they now haunted her even in her waking hours.

Even though.

Her dad looked at her sympathetically, but he said nothing. "Just give it a chance, Holly."

The three of them sat in the waiting room for a while afterwards. Holly sat between her parents, and she knew they meant to be comforting, but instead, she felt suffocated.

She was almost relieved when a nurse opened the door to the waiting room and called her name.

"We'll be right here if you need anything, honey," her mom called. Holly looked back, and suddenly felt saddened by how tired and small her mom looked. There were dark bags under her eyes, and the wrinkles around her eyes were emphasized by recent nights of worrying and sleeplessness.

The guilt and remorse almost drowned Holly at moment. She wanted nothing more to go back in time and redo everything from that day, so that none of this would've happened.

Even though she thought she'd been doing a good thing.

Even though she thought nothing could go wrong.

Even though.

She followed the nurse dressed in light pink scrubs down a hallway painted in pastel yellows.

They walked past multiple doors, each featuring some kind of positive quote written on a small chalkboard.

When you can't find the sunshine, be the sunshine!

Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.

Holly was brought into a room at the end of the yellow hallway. The nurse smiled at her, asked her if she needed anything to drink or snack on, then closed the door, saying that Dr. Inho would be there in a moment.

Holly yawned, looking around the room. It didn't look much like a doctor's office. It felt cozy, with a coral red walls and dark hardwood flooring. The lights were dim (but still brighter than Hollister) and illuminated two beanbags in the far corner of the room, surrounded by two tall bookshelves. A long green sofa laid opposite of the beanbags, and even featured a pillow and a folded up comforter.