The Bikini Syndrome | WATTYS2019

» thirty-three: an invitation

"Hey, what was that all about at dinner tonight?" Raven barged into Holly's room and plopped down on her bed.

"What was what about?"

"You know! Mom and Dad kept giving you the side eye!" She made a pinched up expression and crossed her eyes, and Holly couldn't help but laugh. "Soooo, why are you in trouble?"

"I'm not in trouble," Holly said carefully.

Raven wagged her finger and clambered down onto the ground beside Holly. "Something is going on, I know. Com'n, I'm your sister."

Holly threw a pillow at Raven and tried to laugh. It sounded more like a choke. "Nothing's going on. Now get out of my room!"

"Wow, so grouchy." Raven rolled her eyes and stalked out of the room.

Holly sighed. One day she'd have to tell her sisters, she knew, but Holly wasn't quite prepared yet. But while she and Raven weren't the kind of sisters who were tight knit and told each other everything, they still had that accursed sisterly bond thing where one of them could tell when something was wrong with the other.

So Raven would probably find out soon.

But Holly was determined not to make today the day.

She picked up the pillow she'd thrown and placed it back on her bed, then lay down, staring up at the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling.

After a long talk — in which Holly had told her parents everything from the top, about  liking Oliver, about Sadie, about seeing Rohan that night, and then again tonight in the parking lot — her parents had decided they were going to the police station the next morning and filing a restraining order against Rohan.

Her parents were also more on board with her pressing charges now, though they still cautioned her about the emotional toll it might have. But she felt better knowing that she had their support.

She wondered if Sadie had that. She wondered if Sadie's parents knew.

Holly reached for her phone and realized she didn't have Sadie's number. A quick text to Oliver fixed that.

Sadie picked up as soon as Holly dialed.

"Hello?" Sadie's voice sounded tiny and far away.

"Hey, it's Holly."

"Oh, hey!" There was a rustling sound, and Sadie's voice grew clearer. "What's up?"

"Do you want to come over to our house for dinner tomorrow?"

"Oh, sure, that'd be nice!" Sadie sounded pleasantly surprised.

Holly hadn't even asked her parents yet, but she felt like they would agree. Plus, it seemed like the right thing to do.

She was still a long way away from being back to normal again, but she felt more at peace now that her parents knew everything and were helping her. She hoped she could spread a little of that feeling to Sadie.

"So," Holly cleared her throat, "how are you doing?"

"Mmmmm, honestly, it's not like I'm doing especially badly. But there are some moments where you could be doing something like reading a book or watching a TV show or even washing the dishes, and then all of you sudden, you start thinking about what ifs and should-have-dones and could-have-beens, and that's when you wonder if you'll have know what it means to be normal and carefree again."

Holly shivered, despite being dressed warmly in an air-conditioned room. The words hit way too close to home. "Yea, I get that. I tried going to the beach the other day, and I just...couldn't."

Silence buzzed between them, filled with tension and sorrow.

"I saw Rohan last night," Holly blurted out.

"What?"

"He came to find me at work. He...he asked me to drop the charges."

"You didn't, right?" Sadie asked fiercely.

Holly shook her head, then realized Sadie couldn't see her. "No, I didn't. But it was so scary, Sadie. I just froze. Just seeing him made me scared."

"Did he do anything to you?"

"No, he just kind of grabbed me and stuff. But I think if Oliver hadn't come at that moment, he would've probably hit me."

"You need to get a restraining order," Sadie said, her voice tight.

"I'm going to. I'm going tomorrow with my parents to the police station." Holly laughed awkwardly. "You know, I feel like I should be the one comforting you. What happened to me wasn't really a big deal compared to what happened to you. I'm sorry to be acting all dramatic."

Sadie laughed as well, though Holly thought it seemed a bit forced. Or maybe that was just her insecurity speaking.

"I feel kind of guilty anyway, because you did what you did to help me," Sadie said. "You didn't have to, and I wouldn't have thought anyone would do anything that crazy, but you did."

Holly laughed awkwardly again. "Yup, I know. I still feel dumb even now."

The two girls chatted some more, though the amount things they could talk about were too limited and too heavy to talk about casually. They hung up when the silences grew too long and too tense, and Holly felt tired when she set the phone down.

It's not like I blame Sadie, she thought, staring blankly at her wall. The eyes of Adam Young (aka her favorite artist Owl City) gazed back at her.

It felt as if they goading her on. Are you sure? they seemed to ask.

"I'm the one who made the stupid decision," Holly muttered. But she felt like a lump of coal had settled into the corner of her heart, and she felt bitter. It had sounded as if Sadie was pushing the blame to her earlier, as if saying that she didn't ask for Holly to do it, so Holly had brought everything onto herself.

It was true that Sadie wasn't directly responsible and didn't even know what Holly was going to do that day.

But still, Sadie had influenced Holly. So why would she call the action crazy? She'd only been trying to help out a friend, after all.