The Bikini Syndrome | WATTYS2019

» thirteen: fine just the way you are

"No," she blurted out as soon she pulled away from him.

"What?" There was a (adorable) confused look on his face.

"No," Holly said, shaking her head. "That's not supposed to happen. You have a girlfriend. You're not supposed to k-k-kiss me," she stammered, taking another step back.

And he wasn't. She'd only stepped in for a hug - he was absolutely irresistible like that - but then he'd cupped her chin, and gently pulled her up and towards him, until their lips met. It was just a tender, short, chaste moment, but to Holly, she was still frozen at that exact second their lips had met.

She wasn't going to be cliched and say that there had been a spark, because there hadn't. The sky didn't thunder and boom, the ocean didn't seem to smell saltier, nature didn't respond like it did in all romance novels. It was the taste of him against her, and then just as quickly as he had given it to her, it had ended.

"I'm not supposed to," he said softly. "But I wanted to."

"Why?"

"I—you—I —" he suddenly stopped and leaned forward and grabbed her arm. "You don't realize it, but you're really very pretty."

Holly made to pull away, but his free hand shot out to grab her other arm, so she had no choice but to stand in front of him and listen. But she didn't want to face him, so she averted her eyes and looked toward the sea. It's teal waters winked back at her, as if it were telling her to watch and wait.

"I...really am worried about you. I know you probably don't believe it - you're looking away right now - but you're really pretty, and I think you're just fine the way you are."

"No, no, it's not, I'm not," she said, shaking her head, still avoiding his earnest eyes.

"You are. I'll say it as many times as I need to."

"You'll get tired of saying it, it's just not possible for anyone to have the mental fortitude to say the same thing over and over, and you don't even know me that well." Holly finally looked up, but not on purpose. But she just wanted to plead with him to stop, stop doing this her. Stop telling her lies. Stop giving her false hope that society would crush mere seconds after leaving him in the form of magazines and girls wearing bikinis and ads and music and everywhere, just haunting her.

His grip on her wrists tightened, and his blue eyes bored right into hers as he slowly and carefully enunciated, "You are fine the way you are. I like you as you are."

"Well, I like you too," Holly replied, a little dully. He was talking about the friendship kind of like, wasn't he?

Then what about the kiss? her heart squeaked hopefully.

It was pity, her brain said dismissively.

"No, I mean, I genuinely like you. As in, romantically," Oliver said, without even hesitating. Holly almost wondered if he had rehearsed these lines - boys most certainly did not say these kinds of things outside of Shakespeare and romance novels and dystopia and John Green novels.

"That is a lie," she replied flatly. "You have a girlfriend. We've only known each other for four weeks. I am not Sadie, and why would you want me when you could have Sadie?"

"Because Sadie is fine, but you're not."

"I'm not?"

Holly guessed that if Oliver wasn't so busy trying to restrain her, he would release her hands and run his hand through his hair in discomfort and frustration at himself. "You're interesting. Sadie is almost too perfect. I don't...I want someone who has flaws."

"Oh," Holly said bitterly. She hadn't heard that one before. "You want someone who's broken. You want to fix that broken girl, right? Well, news flash: I'm totally fine. I'm not self-harming, or thinking of committing suicide."

Oliver suddenly grinned. "You just admitted that you're totally fine."

Holly glared at him. "What?"

"See, you said it yourself. You're totally fine. You're not broken. You're fine the way you are. You don't need to lose weight, you don't need to do anything but be you."

"This and that are two different things," she insisted. "I want to lose weight because...I just want to. I'm not starving myself or anything."

"You're not exactly eating either. All you've been bringing to work recently is some form of smoothie or drink, and that's all you drink the entire day."

"You always make me a drink when I don't feel like eating."

"It's not meant to be something that you have for every meal!" Oliver actually raised his voice, and the usual relaxed look he wore no matter what, slipped away. "That isn't eating healthy. You need to have an actual meal, containing fruits and vegetables and meat."

"What are you, my school nurse?"

Just then, there was a cry behind them. Oliver immediately let go of her hands and jogged past her, his frown already changing into that friendly smile.

Something tugged at her heart, but she didn't know what it was. But it was a little painful and sore, and it seemed to throb with her heart as she watched Sadie run to Oliver and hug him casually, as if it were something she did everyday. It probably was something they did every day.

"Oliver, Zara and Kaya just showed me the most amazing thing!" she squealed. "This way, this way! I We don't have it in Arizona, so it's my first time seeing it!" She was absolutely gushing as she tugged Oliver away from the beach and toward the parking lot. Away from Holly.

He didn't look back at her even once.