the summer,
your meant to do stuff with your friends right?
have a good time?
nah
not me.
i stay in my room all day because I don't have the physical and mental power to leave.
my friends don't understand that,
but I don't expect them to.
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im thinking about going back to school and how trashy it'll make me feel.
people are gonna ask me what I've done in the holidays and I'll say nothing or I'll make up some story to make me sound cool.
-
i go on holiday soon, so I can talk about that right?
im grateful and excited don't get me wrong.
but I hate the summer so much.
it means I have to show more than I want to.
it means people can see my stretch marks, the fact my monstrous thighs touch, the sausage that bulges around my belly, the unmistakable belly that hangs, my bingo wings that are covered in a long peach fuzz, the unmissable sacks of fat that hang from my chest and the misshapen peanut head that I have.
it then leads people looking at me.
looking at the big girl trying to fit in, with buck teeth, short hair, pointed nose, fat cheeks, no jawline and a big ass forehead.
none of that screams beautiful or pretty, it screams witch or ugly mess,
yet it's what my friends persist to tell me cause they feel bad.
im fat.
there's no dodging round the bullet.
i just wish it was accepted.
but it's not and people hate me for it.
i mean i hate myself too.
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holiday = beautiful skinny girls giving me stares cause im ugly and fat.
-
nowadays the urges of insecurity and panic come all too often.
and it's slowly killing me.
but no worries I'll be fine.
and by that I mean ill hurt myself because it gets worse.
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but that's just life
