Surrender

Pain like this

Afsana's POV

'Mama' the voice was small and afraid, so low I almost thought I had imagined it.

'Mama' this time I sat up and pushed against the door 'Sikkndar'

The door creaked open, meagre sunlight streamed in illuminating his tiny figure. He ran into my waiting arms and I cherished how soft his plush body felt against mine, the baby smell lingering on his skin and his tiny heart beating erratically against mine. I was certain I would never love anything in life the way I loved Sikkandar.

'Mama why did you leave me?' I stroked his hair 'I'm sorry I won't do it again'

He stared up at me, his dark eyes searching my face 'Baba said you are going to leave me forever' his bottom lip trembled and his eyes were glazed with emotion. 'I would never do that Sikkandar'

'She will leave you Sikkandar the way she did this time' Ziraar stepped in smoothing down his navy blue robes 'She left you all alone'

The toddler looked at me distrustfully 'She didn't even give you sweeties but I will' reaching into his pocket he pulled out a paper bag and tipped the contents into his palm. The child's eyes were glued to the colorful array of sweets, darting between me and the delicacies. My heart ached at the turmoil he faced 'Ziraar please don't'

'You will never get sweeties if you go with your mother, her father lives in a flea ridden pig sty'

'I don't like pigs Mama'

He reached down and pulled him away from my arms 'Take good care of him woman' the older woman came forward and lead him away.

I protested 'You can't take my son from me Ziraar!'

He raised a brow 'Your son? He was never yours stupid girl he is my child and he always was, you just happened to bear him and what?'

He crushed my wrist with his fingers when my hand flew to his face, the rage left me shaking 'I gave birth to him and what did you do? You did nothing so don't you dare say I have no claim over him. You are the stupid one Ziraar for failing to recognize the rights of others. You want to make Sikkandar a monster just like yourself. Its true what they say Ziraar, that no ones cruelty can match yours. You spend your life breaking the morale of others and crushing their esteem. You are so damaged of a person Ziraar and so broken no one can mend you but I wish I could'

His jaw was clenched, he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply 'I was wrong to bring you here Afsana I see I need to make some amends.'

*****

'Did you miss your chamber?' I refused to let my guard down, it was impossible for him to act so calmly when I had insulted him. He could try all he wanted to be kind and forgiving, his eyes always gave him away. They stayed hard and emotionless even when his face wore the widest of smiles.

'There you are Sikkandar' he patted the boys head fondly, the child stared up at him with trusting eyes. I wanted to warn him his father did not spare even him in the mind games he played.

'You've become a big boy and you don't need your mother anymore, she doesn't want you. Hajra Bibi will take care of you'

He burst out crying and struggled in the old women's arms 'Hush Sikkandar' he cajoled but the toddler couldn't bring himself too, hiccuping in between his loud wails 'Take him away'

The sound that echoed through the chamber was one of agony and grief, It was several moments before I realized I was the one screaming. I had never felt such pain, it hurt more than the poison ever had, my heart ached and bled for the loss of my child. Like a mad woman I clawed at the barred door but it remained closed. I cried until I had no tears left, until my throat was hoarse with all the screaming, until the darkness conquered me.

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