I wake up next to Veronica, and my heart almost stops. Because, holy shit, I'm waking up next to Veronica. She's still fast asleep, and even though I need to finish packing and cleaning so I can move out today, I don't want to move and wake her up. The air feels charged, electric in the same way as the beginning of a truly great story. This moment feels like the precipice, before what, I don't know. Before I tell Veronica how I feel, maybe. Before the break starts and I have a whole swath of time stretched out in front of me to play around with magic and see what I can do. Whatever comes next, I know that this moment is before.
#
Dear Diary,
Therapy has been going really well. I mean. I'm going, I'm showing up, and it feels like I'm a little more present in my life now. Like I had been fading, and now some of the light and color is coming back.
Sun and I went to a tattoo shop together, and I brought in a sigil design to show the artist what I wanted. He complimented my artwork, and it felt really good, like getting an A on a midterm. There should be a way to bottle the feeling of doing something well. Anyway it was harder than I thought to sit still while the tattoo artist worked his magic, but now I have a beautiful sigil right under my collarbone on the left side. Every morning from now on, I'll see it when I look in the mirror.
Sunshine sat and talked to me over the buzzing of the tattoo gun. The semester is almost over, and lately it's like both of us are afraid if we look away for a minute, we'll look back to find the other has vanished. Neither of us is ready for summer, and she's even less ready, with graduation approaching. I can't imagine coming back next semester without her here, and when I told her that, she sort of chewed on her lip like she was trying not to say anything. I think maybe she was trying to keep from asking me to go with her after graduation, just move away together like real grown-ups could.
We could do it. I could just walk away and follow her wherever. It's not like I need a degree to make art but... What if I can't support myself? What if Sunshine got tired of me? I guess maybe I need more of a plan than just following her wherever she goes. The idea of taking off on an adventure is like a fire, though. It burns deep down in my chest, keeping me warm. Maybe, with the right plan, I could really see this thing through.
-Aria
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The Book at the Top of the Closet
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