Haikyuu! x Reader

7. preferences - what jokes/pickup lines they use (FLUFF!×NEUT!)

Italics are reader's speech
Bold are character's speech

Karasuno

Daichi
-when i saw you, i lost my tongue. can i put yours in my mouth?
-mostly joking, slightly not lol
-he blushes and looks away after
-you kiss him passionately
-found your tongue?

Sugawara
-i may not go down in history, but i'll go down on you
-he blushes and you both laugh about it
-after the laughter dies down, he grabs your wrist and pulls you close
-but seriously, can i go down on you?
-omhajkdkdk
-lets just take a moment and appreciate sexy suga

Asahi
-do you have a map? because i keep getting lost in your eyes.
-he blushes a lot because nishinoya told him to see your reaction
-huh okay jesus
-you laugh and hug him as he whines at your reaction

Tanaka
-roses are red, grass is greener, when i think about you, i play with my weiner
-you stand there shocked
-hAHA they're speechless-
-//slapped

Nishinoya
-since i'm a libero, can i receive that ass?
-he says this out of nowhere
-as serious as possible he looks deep into your eyes as he says it
-it takes a moment to process what he just said
-maybe grow a little more, because you won't be able to handle my ass

Hinata
-if i were a cat, i'd spend all my nine lives with you
-boom
-heart goes into overdrive
-all of the team groans bc they expected something dirty
-"lAAMME!"
-"HINATA BOKE!"

Kageyama
-do you like men that can carry big things? because i have the biggest-
-kAGEYAMA!1!1!!
-what? i was going to say heart
-slight doubt about that lol
-mmmhhmmmmm surre kags

Tsukishima
-fuck me if i'm wrong but dinosaurs still exist, right?
-you're wrong tsukishima
-he picks you up and throws you over his shoulder
-we'll be going, then!

Yamaguchi
-they say a kiss is the language of love. wanna have a conversation?
-omh my heart can't handle this-
-you just stand there shocked
-he stands there blushing
-ah, sorry Y/N-
-then you grab his tie and pull him in for a kiss
-when you pull away you say
-that was the best conversation i've ever had

Ennoshita
-are you an angle? because you're so acute
-you blush and tease him for the rest of his days with pickup lines
-hey, ennoshita
-yeah, y/n?
-you got a phone in that back pocket?
-no, why?
-cuz that ass is calling me guahahgshahag
-he tackles you to the ground

Nekoma

Kuroo
-you look so innocent, you look so sweet, as long as i have a face, you'll always have a seat
-basically tanaka
-look, they're speechless-
-//his corpse was slapped
-rip kuroo the perv

Kenma
-i'd play you like video games, all day, all night, everywhere
-he just comes out of nowhere with this while on his game console
-you just stand there shocked
-he looks up at you and realizes he just said that out loud
-i, uh...
-let's go
-you guys end up fucking somehow bc of that
-now you know what kenma is really like
-not so innocent after all, oYAOYAOYA

Lev
-(mainly fem?)
-what do you say we make like winnie-the-pooh, and i can get my nose stuck in your honey jar?
-wHOA THERE CAT BOY
-highkey want him to do it
-you stand there looking up at him
-he just realizes the meaning of that
-k-kuroo told me to-
-would you really do that though, you'd probably chicken out
-throws you over his shoulder and takes you to the equipment room
-let's just say he enjoyed your honey a lot

Yaku
-(fem?)
-i hope you've got pet insurance, because i'm going to destroy that pussy tonight
-shocked
-wow, yaku, i never knew that kind of stuff went through your mind
-he blushes at your response and stutters out excuses
-you say really loudly
-its okay though yaku, i'd forgive you anyday for destroying my puss-
-he really destroyed your pussy that night

Shiratorizawa

Ushijima
-do you want to go on a ate? i'll give you the d later
-first time he asked you out
-everyone around you stopped what they were doing and just stood there speechless
-he realized what he said
-he turned red as tendou's hair
-he points at tendou who was on the floor dying
-he told me that's how to ask someone out

Tendou
-if your left leg is thanksgiving, and your right leg is christmas, can i come and eat between the holidays?
-//dead body thrown in a ditch
- rip
-a true soldier has fallen

Goshiki
-are you medusa? because you make me rock hard
-*uncomfortable silence*
-that was the shittiest pickup line ever goshiki
-shut up, y/n! i promise, i'm going to become the king of telling pickup lines
-*a few weeks later*
-hey, y/n
-hey goshiki
-i'll treat you like my homework, slam you on the desk and do you all night long.
-*silence*
-that was a lot better
-laughing
-then, y/n turned their head and narrowed their eyes at the boy seductively. goshiki gulped as they said with their tone low,
-seriously though, you should stay true to your words goshiki
-no sleep that night lol

Semi
-oi, y/n
-*sigh* yes, semi?
-sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us *snicker*
-you made your way over to him and sat on his lap. his breath hitched as you looked up at him and whispered
-well? what do you want to get straight?
-damn™
-the neighbors didn't know what hit em that night
-semi is one sexy motherfucker

Shirabu
-muttering pickup lines under his breath, trying to find a good one
-you have nice clothes, but they'd look even better on my bedroom floor,*sigh* no
-the only reason i'd kick you out of bed would to fuck you on the floor... or the wall? *sigh* too kinky
-sit on my face, and let me get to 'nose' you better-
-wow, shirabu, those are some lovely lines you got there
-gah! y-y/n-

Others

Bokuto
-why ride a rollercoaster when you could ride me?
-he laughed but got interrupted quickly
-because rollercoasters actually make me scream
-*doubles over and clutches chest*
-mY HEART!?1!?!1?1!
-it's the truth lol

Akaashi
-he says it when he's wasted af lol
-hey, y/nn
-yes, akaashi?
-i would take youu to the moviezz but they don't allow snaccz
-there's a shitload more where that came from
-once he starts he can't stop lol
-you blush and record him him
-rosez are red, violetz are bluee, i can't rhyme, but can i date youu?
-we're already dating, akaashi
-then i'm the luckiest man on earth, nO, in the yooniverse
-*the next day*
-hey y/n
-*snicker* hey akaashi
-*eyes you suspiciously*
-*you show him the video*
-oH MY GOD Y/N-

Oikawa
-how he gets his first date with you
-hey, y/n-chann
-what do you want, shittykawa?
-i just wanted to let you know, if you jingle my bells, you'd get a white christmas
-tf
-*awkward silence*
-*he chuckles nervously*
-if your body is wonderland, i'd kill to be alice-
-//shot

Iwaizumi
-a dare at oikawa's party because he knew 'iwa-chan' had a crush on you
-h-hey y/n
-oh, hi iwaizumi
-*deep breath*
-are you a magician? because every time i look at you, everyone else disappears
-you smirk at him and whisper in his ear
-i don't know about me, but you must be one hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room
-*he faints*

~ⓔⓝⓓ~