dear noah ➵ 𝗡𝗢𝗔𝗛 𝗨𝗥𝗥𝗘𝗔 [EDITING]

[16.] the letter

Beautiful Skyler,

I have something to tell you.
And for some reason I'm not able
to tell you in person. That is the reason
why I'm writing you this letter.
We've been together for one year and six
months. Those were the best one year
and six months of my life.

For the past time I've been feeling
weird. I didn't felt like myself anymore. I
wasn't happy. There was nothing that
could make me feel better. Not even you.
And this is the reason why.

Six weeks ago I was sitting in the train.
A boy came sitting next to me.
His name is Jackson. He told
me he liked my jacket. We started a
conversation. A really long and fun one.
I enjoyed it a lot. At one point he asked
me if I had a girlfriend or boyfriend. I told
him I had a girlfriend. And that was the
first moment I wish I didn't. And not
because I don't love you or because I
don't think you're good enough for me.
Just because, somehow, I didn't
wanted him to know that I was in a
relationship.

A week later I saw the boy again.
We switched numbers and decided to
hang out sometime. That's actually what
we did a few days later. When I stepped
into his house he had a whole dinner
prepared. It wasn't like a regular dinner.
It was like all the romantic dinners we've
had together. I tried to ignore it and just
ate with him.

After dinner we watched a movie.
Without noticing he came closer and
closer. And at the end of the night he
told me he liked me. Not just as a friend,
he liked me for more than that. I didn't
knew what to say. And that was the
moment when he kissed me. First I was
shocked. But then, I didn't wanted him
to stop.

After that day I haven't seen him. Not
because I don't want to. But because I
can't stop thinking about you. You
don't deserve to be treated like that.
Also because I was confused, and
still am a little bit, by my own feelings.

Sweet, sweet Skyler. Since you are the
person I trust and love the most. And you
are also the person who deserves to know
this the most. I'm going to tell
you this. Lately my feelings for you are
different. Different than they used to be.
The reason is because I am gay. I'm so
sorry. If I could control my feelings I would
choose for you. But I can't.
I'm sorry.
I still love you,
but just not the way I should to
deserve to be your boyfriend.

I hope you understand. And I hope we
can meet sometime again to talk about it.
I get it if you don't want to at this
moment. That's why I'll leave you alone
for now. That's also the reason why I gave
you this letter now. Because you're going to
Josh and his friends and I'm sure they can
help you better than I can at this moment.

Please don't think that you were a bad girlfriend
or that you could've been a better one.
Because that's not true. You were the best.
You are the best. And you'll always be
my favorite and most important person
on earth. I really hope you still want to see
me after this. And I also hope you'll find
a better boyfriend than me. Because that's
actually what you deserve.

Just so you know, if you search for contact
with me, I'll be there. I'll always be there.

Love, Brandon