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I have a crush on my best friend. That I can't deny, but I am too shy to confess. Also I don't want to ruin our friendship. Because I always ruin every friendship I have, but this one is too precious to ruin.
So how long can...
It was the hardest and at the same time the easiest decision I made in my life. I ignored her. This technique was successful for the rest of the break, but in school everything would different.
It was the evening before school started again. Just moments ago I ignored a call, but then I heard the familiar beep of an incoming message.
Jimin: I have no idea what I did that you ignored me all the time, but we need to talk about it tomorrow in school! Please, I don't want to lose my best friend! Xoxo Jimin
Oh no! She has literally no idea what she does to me with her next-to-last line, has she? Silently I prayed that she doesn't.
No sleep was found that night. I turned around over and over, because I couldn't stop thinking. Lastly I got up again to talk a walk into the woods near my place.
In the middle of the forest I saw something very beautiful in the light of the full moon. There were so many blue butterflies in the air and on the ground and because of the full moon they looked like they were glowing. Thankfully I had my phone with me so I could take a picture of this amazing spectacle.
Without thinking I sent it with a message to Jimin:
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This reminds me of your favorite song and all the happy memories we have together. Please don't be mad at me for pushing myself away from you, I have my reasons and I just ask you to accept it! When the time is right I will come back and tell you, just wait for me please! Xoxo, Sofia
Looking back at that from today I regret that I sent her that message, but I will realize it soon enough.
The next day in school the first thing I saw was Jimin how could it be different? But she looked different than before. And if was not just her hair color that changed, but her whole look. She looked just so sad with her new, dark look.
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She sat there leaning against a wall in the schoolyard. I couldn't resist, so I walked over to Jimin and took her in my arms. Immediately she hugged me back and buried her head in my neck. I brushed her hair, but suddenly stopped when I recognized she started crying.
"What did I do wrong, Sofia? We just to tell each other about all that happened to us and went through it together, no matter what. Now everything is different, you seam like I died for you, but I can't let you walk out off my life like that. Please just talk to me!", she sob-whispered. "It's nothing you did, but I won't leave you like that, I promise."
I knew this promise would be hard to keep, but for Jimin I would try all I possibly could to do so. Everything felt wrong about this whole conversation and I was able to tell from her gaze that there was more on her mind. Normally I would have just asked her, but because of everything I've done to her and her condition right now I didn't dare to do it.
Every time she smiled at someone this day I could see that the smile on her lips didn't reach her eyes. It was like she wasn't fully alive. No one could blame her for that after all she went through, but the other pupils didn't even seem to notice.
Even on our way home she kept that mask on her face. "Take That Fake smile of you face, you know exactly that you can't trick me with it, I am your best friend!"
She stopped smiling and finally I could see her feelings in her face again. It looked hurt and sad. I resisted the urge to hug her for quite a while, but in front of her house I did it. That made her a bit happier.
She invited me to stay over, but I denied her offer because I knew I would hurt her again. A little bit disappointed she waved me goodbye.
Back home I quickly made myself something for lunch and went to my room. I was alone, because my parents were at work and would probably not come home till eleven pm. This wasn't unusual.
After lunch I checked my phone and saw that Jimin had already sent me a few messages. Smilingly I responded her and so we chatted the whole afternoon.
We talked about girly stuff like our idols, boys and parties. Nothing that could possibly tell her anything about my feelings for her.
We stopped at 6 pm because me both had still homework to do and to eat dinner. Because it was the only healthy thing I really know how to cook I decided to make ramen.
When I finished eating the soup I started doing my homework. It wasn't really difficult for me, I was finished after 30 minutes with Maths, Spanish, English and Chemistry. They don't call me nerd for no reason.
Before going to bed I watched a bit TV, but at the end I decided to read. Changed into my pajamas I grabbed the book I started to read yesterday and laid down onto my bed. I really tried to focus, but my mind always went back to Jimin. So I gave up reading, turned around and fell asleep.
