Deflowered

Chapter 10

In times of loss, I've cried. I've escaped to the woods behind my house or secluded myself in my garden and weeded. There is something therapeutic about busying your hands. That afternoon, I walked the streets of Chicago. I couldn't go home right away. I tried. I stood in our hallway and hoped that Adam would find me there and my decision would be made. I would just have to go in. But I couldn't face him yet and I needed time to think alone. We had so much conflict yesterday; I didn't have the strength for it again today.

The bustle of the city graced me with a comfort of noise and movement so my mind never fully concentrated on what just happened with Mason. Those pained and angry gray eyes will forever be etched into memory as our last visit and all I could feel was loss. My heart didn't feel full because of it. I failed to make him understand that if things were different, I'd most likely smother him in love or that at the very basic core he is capable to love someone and can do it again. Feeling an ache at the thought of him married to someone else made me release an exasperated breath. It was ironic that I felt that way and I shed a lone tear in acknowledgement of how Mason must feel about Adam and I. And Adam....the man hell-bent on reminding me that I'm too forgiving and too accepting while he overlooks all my mistakes in the process. What I naturally feel towards everyone, he only feels towards me. I hadn't really noticed this until yesterday, until he was more upset with Mason than me. As I walked through Millennium Park, I sat myself on a bench and watched the trees feather in the wind that carried yesterday's memories with it.

"Hey." Adam grumbled from the kitchen as he dropped his keys and wallet onto the island. His back still turned, I was grateful that it gave me time to clear the tears from my cheeks.

"Hi. Can you come here for a minute and sit with me?" He turned and frowned when he saw me, my eyes outlined in red and my bottom lip slightly quivering.

"What's wrong?"

"Just come sit please." I pleaded as I patted the space next to me. Pulling his jacket off, he started his walk towards me and I grabbed my mug of coffee to warm my hands. Even in a perfect seventy-two degree apartment and snuggled under a quilt, I felt cold. Adam gently removed the mug from my hands and pressed my cheek so that I looked at him.

Guilt.

It's all I could feel when I looked at him. It felt like anxiety and pain gardened to a perfect plant to make me nauseous every time I tasted it.

"Amelia, what's going on?" Out of habit I pressed my thumb into the creases of his forehead to which he closed his eyes and sighed in relief. It had been so long since we had such an intimate moment. I hated I had to ruin it.

"I think I have feelings for someone else." I whispered shakily and our moment disappeared about as quickly as it formed.

"What?" He snapped as he pulled his hands away.

"What kind of feelings?" He asked with a look of shock.

"I don't know. I care about him." I answered, twisting my wedding ring.

"Who? Is it someone from church?" I pleadingly looked at him knowing that this confession would change everything.

"Mason" I breathed. As he processed the information, I watched the vein in his neck appear and his jaw tighten. Not once had I witnessed him so visibly angry with me.

Moving inches away, it felt more like miles. The lack of words killed me. Only his sharp breaths filled the room as I watched his hands burn through his jeans.

"My boss Amelia!?" He questioned with restraint as he stood and paced the floor. The echo of pain shook my entire core. His hurt was a quiet storm, but had the intensity of that eerie silence before a tornado.