Deflowered

Chapter 1

"He just is. I just am, and we just are."- Lang Leav.

I am a simple woman unknown to those outside of Georgetown city limits. I thrive with less. Born and raised in a small town, I was content to grow old there and raise a family there if a miracle happened upon my husband Adam and I. My grandmother always said God created me with his eyes closed, I was that easy. Her golden brown eyes always flickered with such love when she spoke. After my parents passed away when I was six, she became my mother, best friend, and source of safety. Everyone in town knew her, loved her, and called her Mawmaw. There existed such a quiet confidence in my grandmother's mannerisms and speech; her peppered gray hair always worn in either a braid or a bun because she couldn't work outside any other way. She taught me to garden flowers, fruits, and vegetables, and she also graced me with her famous secret apple pie recipe. It was county fair award winning, she'd tell me as her eyes drew up and stared with a feigned glare, and I would roll my eyes at her.

"I won't tell a soul Mawmaw" I'd finally say, and she would return to kneading the dough.

I was a freshman in high school and Adam was a junior when he came to mow our yard one day. Our mower had broken, and he offered to help since he lived two houses down. My best friend Angela came specifically because I called excitedly to tell her that Adam Underwood was mowing our lawn with his shirt off. My poor bedroom window continually stained with our hot breaths as we watched him. I remember he looked up, and I hit my chin on the window sill as I dropped down to the floor. He still teases me about it. He had these big blue eyes that if he looked at you long enough, you'd just melt where you stood. His hair was just long enough for the ends to curl, and in the summer it turned a bright blonde. He was the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. After he finished our lawn that day, my grandmother asked him to come to dinner that evening. I almost threw up with how nervous I was. My hands shook as I moved my hangers of clothes in frustration. Finally, I settled on a white sundress that hung to my knees, Mawmaw would never allow anything shorter. I brushed through my hair and slid a white flower pin to pull back two braided strands. Make-up wasn't allowed yet. When he showed up in khaki's and a blue pinstriped American Eagle button-up, I thought he could totally see how nervous I was. Dinner was a blur of a pacing heart and sweaty hands. I listened though, to how respectful he was and how intelligent he spoke. After dinner, he helped me with the dishes, he washed and I dried. Every detail of that night I imprinted, every sound and every scent including his of old spice soap which he still uses.

"I wanted to tell you I saw you sing in church the other day. You sounded really good." My cheeks blushed a rosy hue, and I think I dried the same plate for ten minutes. I didn't know what to say and everything that ran through my mind seemed inadequate. Sheepishly, I offered to walk him home but when I got to his house he realized he didn't want me to walk home alone. None of it was graceful, but it was imperfectly....perfect.

"Hey, you." Adam handed me a cup of green tea as he joined me on our swing. We were moving to Chicago the next day, and there was no other place I'd prefer to be than on our swing with the woods behind our house in view. The woods grounded me. The soil, the cycle of renewal every year when the leaves returned, and it just felt like...home. We just returned from our going away party. The thought of leaving the people I grew up with produced an anxiety I'd never felt before. Most couldn't believe that Adam had convinced me to move. Three weeks after the wedding in Chicago, he received a job offer from Kane Securities that he labeled once in a lifetime. The salary was three times the value of our home, and the benefits package left nothing to be desired. An apartment and company vehicles would be provided. They offered him a Human Resources Management position and stated that little travel would be required but they expected him to be traveling once a month.

Adam loved the city. Of course, he loved our town also but after a visit to New York his senior year of high school, I remember he returned different. He kept telling me he couldn't wait to show me the world that I had no idea what else was out there. I'd smile and then he'd return with a grin knowing I was content where I was. I'll stay wherever you are, he'd always say because he could read me so well. He did attend DePaul University for two years while I finished high school. He'd visit every weekend, attend church with my grandmother and I. We broke up for six months because I wanted him to explore college without me. I knew not everyone was like me, especially Adam. He had a hunger, a thirst for the world that I just didn't attain. I thought I'd leave it in God's hands and wait for Adam to return, if that were his plan. And still every weekend, I'd find him in our yard, mowing the lawn. Sometimes, the amount of love I felt for him scared me, but my grandmother reassured me that I was just lucky enough to find love early. When she fell ill, Adam returned and proposed. We were married within three months making sure she could attend, and she passed away from cancer three months later.