Even Steven Operation

|he slapped the nurse's booty|

The funny thing is that our original plan was just to help people. It's really ironic actually, considering the events that followed. My dad tells me that sometimes I tend to take things a little too far. Cheers, daddy dearest. I wish I'd listened to you. Addie Brandt, I know you've done some crazy things in the past, but this one really takes the cake.

    For the sole reason that you don't get a psychiatrist to help me deal with my issues, we'll have to rewind the story to the very beginning. The 'two weeks into school' bash hosted by our very own bitch queen, Heather Taylor.

    Heather Taylor. Imagine the love child of Regina George and Hannibal Lector. Yeah, she would think Heather had issues. But psychotic or not, homegirl definitely knew how to throw a party.

    So that's where we were, my best friends and I. Together, we were a school's nightmare. The principal liked to say that we were 'Satan times six' (I shit you not those were his actual words). We all thought that was a pretty cute name, to be honest. So it probably didn't have the intended effect.

Before I jump into the gory details of our operation, you need to meet the key players of the game.

    Let's start with Ava because she's the most like me. So last year, Leon Davis was completely creeping on her. He even went as far as stalking her house, leaving her weird notes and following her around the mall. Personally, I thought a little poem would go a long way, you know. The dude completely skipped the flowers and chocolates and went full on 'psycho stalker' mode. Anyway, middle of junior year, Leon sent Ava a dreaded picture of his, how do I put this delicately, his Leon Jr. Obviously, that plan backfired because his chances of invading her village were poorer than a third world country. What Ava did do was forward the picture to his parents and his sophomore brother. Needless to say, he was gone the next day. Anyway, that was Ava in a nutshell. Don't fuck with her.

    I like to think of Livvy as the complete opposite. Don't get me wrong, she's no angel. Between the two of us we were probably enough trouble to put the Joker to shame, but Livvy is definitely less likely to be suspended for skipping school to go to Pizza Hut on a regular basis. She does her homework. She doesn't rag on the teachers. Hell, she's even polite to Heather Taylor. According to me, a person who can spend close to an hour with Heather Taylor in close quarters while actually trusting Heather to catch her as she flips in the air is someone deeply worthy of my admiration. 'Olivia White, who a wannabe wanna be'. She's gorgeous. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Head Cheerleader. Practically a princess to all the freshman boys who ogle at her as she walks past them.

  Cole Reed. Silky blonde hair that could star in a Pantene commercial. Eyes the color of burnt umber. He radiates something special, which he liked to call his smolder (insert gag here). Well, whatever it was, it works pretty well on Castell High's girls. It hadn't even been ten minutes into the party and Monica Myers had already not-so-subtly invited him to a sexy romp in the bedrooms upstairs. What's funny is that Cole was actually the gentleman of the trio. Well, as much of a gentleman as one-third of the Hell-Raisers could be anyway. He certainly was sweet, and he was chivalrous. Last week, he held the door open for me in class. Granted, he tried to pull my skirt up as I walked past him, but the gesture was appreciated. With my fist. In his stomach.

Val Carter. Short, jet black hair which refused to lighten even after hours in the sun. Eyes as green as a fresh pickled toad (FYI: he does not appreciate that reference). He's our group's resident bad boy. I thought we were pretty much the limit when it comes to breaking rules and giving teachers hell, but Val took it to a whole new level. I'm sure when (if) we graduate, the teachers are going to throw a huge party and maybe even cancel their subscriptions to Deep Breathing For Dummies. Despite his badass reputation, we knew Val was a real softie. Hell, we saw him tear up while watching the Titanic, for god's sake! He's fooling nobody with that glare. Well, maybe most of Castell High. But not us.

Alec Grey. Three words. I hate him. If we hadn't been collecting each other's secrets since the time I was rocking pigtails and Barbie backpacks, we wouldn't even be friends.  If he said the sky was blue, I'd probably disagree and say it was yellow or something just to piss him off. My reason? Let me put it this way. When he came kicking and screaming out of the womb, the nurse didn't slap his booty, he slapped the nurse's booty. He's a major tool. Granted, the other two were perverted and douchebag-ey, but Alec was probably the most perverted, most douchebag-ey one of them all. Perhaps in the whole school. Nothing made me madder than to see all the girls draped around him like last season's curtains, and nothing made him happier than showing them off to me whilst simultaneously trying to get my number. That boy, I tell you.

It probably worked in his favor that he was majorly hot. Even I had to (albeit reluctantly) admit that. He was tall, like 6'3, with brown hair that was always perfectly tousled no matter how many laps he ran around the football field. He was built like an Olympic swimmer, with abs that rivaled even Channing Tatum's (I think it killed me a little to say that). Pair that with gorgeous blue-green eyes that I've secretly always been jealous of, and it's like a silent command for the girl's underwear to just fly off.

So we were just a group of friends headed to the most promising party of the year. The most excitement we were going to see tonight was probably going to be Val trying to jump into Heather's pool from the third floor of her house. So all in all, a normal party night. Right? 

Dead wrong.

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A/N: This is my first time writing a humor story, which is weird cause I'm hilarious.

"The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment, it belongs to the conceited, like me."

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I have this story all planned out already, which is a new thing for me. It's going to be funny and lighthearted, with lots of drama cause that's how I roll.

Thanks for reading this far <3