Even Steven Operation

|his "downward dog" had made someone do "upward lunch"|

"Now close your eyes and take a deep breath in. Good. Now let it out slowly, along with all your feelings of aggravation."

I puff out the air slowly, feeling all my annoyance leech out of me. Then he told us to breathe in again and aggravation hit me like a boomerang.

 A never-ending circle of being whacked repeatedly by 'this is so stupid'.

This is what my Sunday has been reduced to. If I ever complain about doing homework on Sunday again, may lightning strike me down.

"Okay, I think that's enough breathing for today," chuckles our instructor in a calm, soothing voice that refused to get irritated even when I asked him if his "downward dog" had ever made someone do "upward lunch".

I got the feeling he was rather amused by me, which was not the vibe I was trying to put out. I add that to my list of aggravations. Funny, this retreat was supposed to make me let go of irritation yet half the things on my list have to do with coming here. Maybe this all clever business.

Our trainer cleared his throat with the general air of someone getting ready to deliver a powerful speech. Immediately, all the trainees straightened up. I notice more than one child was scowling at him though, which gave me the impression that my father wasn't the only one who had forced their child to attend.

"Philanthropists. Environmentalists. Bill Gates. What do they all have in common? They donate to the world." 

He shook his head impressively.

"Have you ever wondered why philanthropy has become a sudden craze recently? There is an increase of about 50% in the number of charities between today and the 1900s. What does doing good for other people do for you? More importantly, what does doing bad to other people do to you?"

I found myself sitting up straighter to hear his answer.

"It's karma, my friends. Karma, an ethereal, ancient force that rewards the good and," he looked straight at me. "Punishes the bad."

The first thing that came to my mind was Santa waving a lump of coal in my face, followed by a small shiver of panic.

"Let me tell you a story. A true one, so listen carefully. One night in 2005, a South African man robbed a couple who were out on a date. He held a knife to them, demanding that they give him their money. Security guards spotted him committing the armed robbery and started to chase after him. He needed to get away quickly with his loot, so he began running through the city. In the darkness, he climbed a fence and jumped over."

This is going to end badly.

"Without realizing it, he had just jumped directly into the tiger's den of the Bloemfontein Zoo."

Well, shit.

The man smiled at his audience serenely. "Now I'm not saying you're going to get run over by a truck every time you decide not to tip your waiter. But be rest assured, what goes around, will come around. Whether you like it or not."

X-o-X

The retreat had adjourned, and I saw a horde of relieved kids almost causing a stampede in their haste to get to their cars, but I remained glued to my seat in front of our trainer's office.

I mentally cursed my conscience. If I could've just shaken off the trainer's words like it was a Taylor Swift song, I wouldn't be freezing my ass off on this cold metal excuse of a chair while my dad waits for me in our heated SUV. 

But I wasn't even able to pay attention to the rest of our time in the retreat because I was still stewing over the story. But I just had to know.

"Come in love," called the trainer, and I could almost hear the smirk in his words. I scowled as I walked into his office.

"Very... very green place you've got here," I tell him, glancing around.

No kidding. It looked like a scene from the Jungle Book in here. There were plants growing in every nook and cranny. I could even see a few creeping along the ceiling.

"I believe plants fuel peace in our souls," he responds simply.

Okay. Whatever that means.

"Alright, listen," I begin nervously, eager to get away from this cracked egg of a trainer and his mini Amazon. "I heard what you said about bad karma and stuff. But what if a person has done... let's say a fair amount of less-than-acceptable things in their life,"

I wince as an image of my friends and I sneaking bottles of alcohol past Costco comes to my mind. "Less than acceptable" was one way to put it.

"You never told us how to fix bad karma."

"I would've thought that was pretty obvious," he beams, sounding too happy at my lack of common sense. "Good for evil."

In response to my bemused stare, he adds graciously.

"Do something entirely for someone else, Addison. There's nothing in it for you. Help someone, for a change."

Then it hits me. A solution to Maddie's betrayal, my bad karma, and my boring ass junior year all rolled into one neat little package.

Only after I hurried into my wonderfully warm car after a hurried thank you, did I wonder.

How the hell does he know my name?

____________________________________

I think Cole wrecks my heart.