Even Steven Operation

|Detentions! Detentions for you all!|

Dedicated to @RyanAydlotte for religiously voting on all my chapters. It makes me so happy!

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The day was inching by slower than that time my mom tried to run in her thong and a headband excuse of a skirt.

It was the last period before lunch and I was so on edge that an ant crawling up my arm could've set me off like a grenade. And it didn't help one bit that my last class of the day was with none other than Satan's mistress Miss Kimberly Kunkle. Lovingly known to her students as Miss Skunkle. Well, not to her face, of course. Unless you're interested in throwing away your life with both hands and serving your own head on a silver platter so she can add it to her collection.

I was staring at the clock hard, mentally communicating with it to hurry the f*ck up. With the number of death threats I've sent, I wouldn't be surprised if my dreams are haunted by a cackling alarm clock that chases me as I continue to miss all my appointments for the day. Then I'm going to wake up and the saga will continue in a bonus round called 'Nevermind this is really happening f*ck me'.

I'm so busy trying to sending out apologies to the clock, I don't even realize Val had been poking me in the side for the last minute.

"Earth to Addie!"  he hisses, "What's the answer to question nine?"

"It's 'do it yourself'," I whisper, annoyed he made me lose track of the number of chocolates I'd offered the clock. Besides, I was just going to ask him the same question and he doesn't need to know that.

"There's not enough space to write that. It's a two digit answer," he responds sincerely.

I worry about that boy.

"Who's talking there?" demands our teacher, her beady eyes scanning the classroom for her next victim.

"You are, Skunkle," I deadpan. 

Well, any guesses on who her next victim is?

"In that awful prison warden voice of yours," I continue, trying not to look into her eyes in case I turn into stone. "And. It. Is. Torture."

All whispers hush and my classmates eagerly turn to me for their weekly 'Step On Skunkle Show'.

"Addie," groans Livvy. "We had a thing after school!"

"What did you just say to me?" snarls Skunkle, swelling like a bullfrog. 

"She said your voice sounds like a prison warden's," supplies Val helpfully. "Oh, and it's torture."

"I heard what she said," she snaps at him.

"Just trying to help," he shrugs, hiding his smile.

"I don't need your help!"

"What you need," I interrupt. "Is to stop borrowing your grandmother's clothes."

"Oh snap!" Val rests his leg on the table and crosses his arms behind his head, signaling for the show to begin.

"She doesn't mean it," says Livvy quickly, trying to salvage our shambles of a lunch date. She glares at Val. The message in her eyes is clear. 

HELP. HER. 

"Yeah, she's sleepwalking," smirks Val, clearly not interested in saving our girls day at Burger King.

Livvy and I shoot him an incredulous look, like 'really?'

"Yeah," continues Val. "And when she's sleepwalking, she can only tell the truth. I mean, if she was normal, she'd just lie and say you look nice!"

If looks could kill, Val would be rotting with the earthworms under the weight of Skunkle's glare.

"So I'm supposed to believe that Brandt here is really asleep," sneers Skunkle, clearly not impressed with Val's reasoning.

 Well, that makes three of us, girlfriend.

"So I'm supposed to believe that you're really wearing those shoes?" I ask her, smiling sweetly.

Livvy snorts, her face red with the effort of not trying to laugh. Val, on the other hand, is clutching the table for support. Skunkle turns her reddening face towards Livvy, shooting lasers out of her eyes.

"I'm laughing because it's so ridiculous!" puffs out Livvy. "You're a lovely woman, and I'm surprised you aren't married yet!"

Val grins. "Yesterday, you said it was because of her man hands-" 

"Soft, supple, man hands!" interrupts Livvy hastily, giving Val her deadliest glare. He gulps.

She gets down on one knee, and I can hardly see anything because of the tears in my eyes.

"Kimberly Skunkle... KUNKLE! Kimberly Kunkle, will you marry me?"

"Alright, knock it off! You're not all asleep!"

"That's cause you haven't started teaching yet."

"That's enough from you Addison Brandt! Principal's office, now! And detention! Detention!"

"Calm your tits, I'm going," I smirk, hoisting up my backpack. 

I can hear Livvy and Val leading the class in a round of applause as I shut the door, and the last thing I hear is Skunkle giving the whole lot of them "Detentions! Detentions for you all!"

Well, I guess Livvy can't make it to Burger King either. 

Bummer.