"I may be small but I am too big to live on someone's charity"-Hazel Ryder
"This is not sympathy because I don't sympathize with anyone."-Evan Thomson
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Living in the poor neighborhood, where everywhere you look at, the only things you can see a...
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I wake up to the feel of someone's soft lips on my forehead. When I open my eyes, I am greeted by sea-green eyes that are currently crying, his tears falling on my cheeks. Suddenly, all the memories from last night floods into my brain, hitting me like a sledgehammer.
"Evan," I croak; tears well up in my eyes as the images of him from last night plays on the forefront of my mind.
"I hurt you," he laments. His eyes are focused on the wound on my head, filled with remorse and immense pain. "I am so sorry." He is kneeling in front of me on the floor. It is then I realize I am lying on the couch in the living room and feel the bandage on my head. I get up from the couch to crouch down beside Evan on the floor whose eyes are planted firmly on the carpet instead of looking at me. "How can I hurt you? I—I am a monster. I shouldn't be around you, I am—"
I place a soft kiss on his lips which makes him quiet. When I pull back, his eyes are staring at me with so much intensity that has me rooted on the spot. I caress his cheek and he is quick to lean into my touch.
"Don't you ever say that you are a monster." I warn. "Last night—it was a weak moment and you gave in. Yes, I was hurt—I was hurt because I couldn't do anything to help you. I should be the one to say sorry."
"No," he is shaking his head as he cups my face between his palms. "You tried your best to stop me but I—I didn't listen and I pushed you. I hurt you. Of course, I am a monster. I don't deserve you."
"Please, don't say that. Yes, you had a setback but that doesn't change what I feel for you. We will try harder."
"How can you still love me? How can you love me in the first place?"
"Because, you are Evan." I say simply. I wipe away his tears as I shift closer to him, our knees brushing against each other.
"I wish I could be as strong as you. I am not strong enough for this. I never was."
"You didn't take anything for a month. That's in itself is the proof of your strength. Don't underestimate yourself, Evan. You can do it. We will do it." I take his hand but he chooses this moment to intertwine our fingers and places a small kiss on my knuckles.
He doesn't say anything for a long moment. Resting his head against the couch, he pulls me closer, engulfing me in the confinement of his arms. It is not hard to know that he doesn't believe my words. He doesn't believe in himself. The little amount of faith he had in himself had been damaged severely after the setback of last night. I can see it in his eyes.
It wouldn't have affected him as deeply as it had if it weren't for the hurt he inflicted on me physically. He didn't do it intentionally. It was an accident but that won't matter to him because intentional or unintentional, he will find several ways to blame himself for the pain he caused me. I had never for once believed that there won't be any chances of relapse. Given his history with substance abuse, all of us were sure it would happen. To be honest, I was expecting it to be sooner but he had surprised one and all with his willpower.
