How I long for winter

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I long for winter
I long for ghost stories in a warm bed full of stars
My hand reaching in nobody's direction finally
I am not alone because they left
I am not alone because they left
I promise to myself that when I feel alone,it will be because I decided it
I planned my loneliness the way I planned going on vacation
But my only vacay friends are dead.
My body will never become a church to those who regret giving me up.
Which is to say,I cannot be the person everyone returns to when they feel left out,alone,sad and used.
Let me live free
Let me pray to unknown pantheons
Create colours that do not exist yet
And mean it when I say: "It's over".

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