The Heart of a Dragon (a Dragon Age fanfiction)

Of Love and Loss

"Chief, you sure they didn't poison you in Orlais?" Krem was looking at him with a frown. "I've knocked you back three times today."

"I'm going easy on you," the Iron Bull snapped, although they both knew he was lying.

"Is it my birthday and no one told me?" Krem muttered, setting himself for another pass.

"Just shut up and lower your shoulder."

Over Krem's shoulder, the Iron Bull saw both the first and last person he wanted to see: Ren, walking across the courtyard in their direction. After her hasty exit from his room in Val Royeaux, she'd kept her distance, and then some, on the way back, and he hadn't dared to go to her since they'd returned, not knowing what her reaction would be. Part of him was afraid she was about to call everything off, and at least if he was never alone with her she wouldn't have the opportunity. That same part was equally afraid of what he might say in response, and of looking into her eyes and seeing the same look of something very much like panic that had been there when she left the room in Val Royeaux.

The irony that they should have come to this pass just as he realized how deep his feelings for her really went was not lost on him. And he couldn't help wondering if she had somehow been able to tell the difference, and that was what had sent her scrambling away so fast.

Now she was approaching, her hands in her pockets and her head down, and in his concern for her and his attempt to parse her body language, he forgot all about Krem. The smaller man crashed into him, sending him thudding onto his ass on the hard ground.

"Good one," he managed. It wasn't Krem's fault he was a moony-eyed idiot, after all.

"Yeah. Chief, you ought to get yourself looked at." Krem glanced over his shoulder at Ren, who was clearly approaching them. "By a specialist," he said in an unquestionably mocking tone, and the Iron Bull bit his tongue hard to avoid snapping at his lieutenant and confirming all his suspicions.

He got up, dusting himself off, as Krem picked up the practice shields. "Inquisitor," he said to Ren as he passed her.

"Krem. Flissa was looking for you."

"Oh? Well, I better go get found, then." Krem's steps were light, almost jaunty, as he left the practice ground.

Lucky bastard. If only the Iron Bull felt light. Standing here with Ren, both of them tongue-tied and awkward as they had never been with each other, he felt anything but.

"Hey, boss."

"Hey." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "I just ... thought you should know I've scheduled the next expedition. To the Exalted Plains, leaving day after tomorrow."

"I'll let Krem know. What time are we leaving?"

Ren scuffed the dirt with the toe of her boot. She still hadn't met his eye, her gaze wandering everywhere else but avoiding him entirely. "We aren't. I'm ... taking Blackwall and Cassandra."

"Whoa, what now? We've been over this," the Iron Bull said, seriously alarmed. Breaking things off between them, if that was what she wanted, was one thing; sidelining him was another thing entirely. "Where you go I go, remember?"

"Yeah. But—" She looked away.

This was not the right place to be having this conversation, but the Iron Bull was afraid if they didn't have it now, she'd somehow manage to avoid ever having it at all, and while he could accept it if she ended things, he couldn't accept just letting things drift away into the Fade for no reason. He gestured to the corner behind the tavern, relatively private and screened from view by some bushes.