Forbidden

Chapter 17

In the days following the funeral, Catherine wouldn't leave the house. She didn't go to the NS, or to Peter's, or even to her special clearing in the woods. As much as she tried to be productive, her body refused to cooperate, preferring to lie still on her bed and stare at the ceiling, oblivious to any notion of time and space. Peter came by every day and tried to convince her to get out of bed and into the sunlight, even for a simple 15-minute walk around the neighbourhood, but his efforts remained in vain. He brought her school work from the NS, but it only piled up on her desk. Everyone half expected Peter to stop coming over, seeing as she barely acknowledged his presence. Yet every day without fail he showed up with a book, or a fresh bouquet to liven up the stuffy room.

As he was coming down the stairs one day, Julia intercepted him. "Thank you, Peter. For being there for Catherine. To tell you the truth, I'm fairly sure I would've given up by now if I were you. But she knows you're here, and I know she is extremely grateful that you are."

He shrugged her off. "It's not a problem. I know what she's going through, I understand her behavior. And anyway, it's easy to keep coming back to the girl you love." And on those words, he gave a sad smile and left.

However, it wasn't Peter who finally managed to tear Catherine out of her lethargy, but John. About two weeks after the funeral, he marched into Catherine's room and pushed open the curtains. She groaned, turned away from the light and covered her head with her pillow.

"Alright Kitty. Enough now. You have got to get out of this room. The sun is shining, and there's beautiful fluffy snow outside."

"Leave me alone John." The pillow against her mouth muffled the sound of her voice.

"Nope. Not leaving here until you do." He lay down comfortably on Lily's bed, emphasizing his point.

"Well, guess you'll have to take up Lily's bed then." Muttered Catherine, still from against her pillow.

"Already done. We talked, she's moving in with Adam." The mischief in his voice rang in Catherine's eyes, causing her to lo look up and give a little smile at the sight of her older brother laying in a baby pink bed, surrounded by stuffed animals. "Hey see, it worked, didn't it? You're smiling!" Catherine cursed herself for having fallen in her brother's trap but sat up nonetheless.

"Listen, Kitty." The laughter left his eyes, and his voice came out serious. "I know you're sad. We all are. But this has gone on too long." He took a deep breath before leaving Lily's bed to sit next to Catherine. She looked away from him, refusing to hear what he had to say. He lifted her chin with one hand and hugged her with the other.

"You and I both know dad would hate you moping around like this. I'm not saying he wouldn't want us to be sad, or that we're not allowed to grieve. But the time for that is over." He gently wiped a tear from her cheek as he spoke. "You'll always miss him, and nothing will ever be the same. But he would've wanted us to move on with our lives as best as we can."

"Even if it's a life he wouldn't approve of?" Catherine asked softly in a trembling voice.

The question startled John, and he hesitated a moment before answering. "Why does it bother you? I mean, you did all of these things even before he went away."

"Back then it was my act of rebellion. My way of coming back at him for not letting me be who I wanted to be. I was so angry at him, all I wanted to do was defy him and prove I could be more than a housewife. But now that he's gone, I feel like I would betray him. I loved finally being able to be myself and being happy but hated that it was because he was suffering.

When I finally understood he was just doing his best, it was too late. I will always regret it, and now I have no way of making up for it." She spoke loudly now, her body shaking with anger and tears. "Why should I be allowed to be happy because he's dead? When he suffered so much, after all he's been through? It's so unfair!" She sobbed loudly in her brother's arms, only slightly comforted by his hand stroking her hair.