Fault

Part 39

Fallon Connelly 6:14 a.m.

I wake up last this time. The door to my dad's apartment is open and I can hear Brett, Kim and Marc talking in the main hallway, but their voices are too muffled to decipher the words. Cal is gone and Price's wheezing tells me he is sitting behind me in the dining room.

When I stand, slowly so my knees don't go out, I grab my mom's jacket. I slip it on over my sweatshirt, adding an instant layer of warmth.

There are cans open on the dining room table. Cold baked beans. Corn. Spaghettios. I pick up a can of beans and pull a spoon from a pile of them laid out beside the food. I bet Cal did this, making sure people don't forget to eat.

The damage in my dad's neighborhood doesn't look so bad in the smoky light of day. My idea to come here was obviously a good one and I allow myself a small smile. There seems to be more helicopters in the sky but they are far north, dealing with the destruction we left behind. It's hard to see them through the filmy sky.

I eat maybe half the can of beans and set it back down on the table before padding softly down the hallway to the bedroom. The door is still wide open and as I approach I can see Marc and I standing against the doorframe from the night before. I walk through the memory and into the room. Ry-Ann has kicked the blankets back so that her small frame is exposed to the cool air in the apartment. Justin's tiny fro peeks out from beneath the covers. Both are awake. Cal stands at the foot of the bed, talking to them quietly.

"Yeah, we have to walk more today, but we're going to a shelter so we can find your family," Cal is saying as I walk in. He turns as he hears me and a look passes between us that is peppered with meaning. Something has changed, and I don't think either of us know exactly what it is.

Ry-Ann sits up at the sight of me and I think back to the promise I made the night before.

In the heat of the moment I didn't consider that their father might not have made it through the earthquake. What if I got them to the shelter and they find out that their father died? Ry-Ann's burning look would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Again, the possibility that Mom is gone floods my brain. Her last words to me echo so hard that my eyes glaze over.

Don't start with me, Fallon.

I clutch the fabric of my mom's jacket tightly. My muscles ache. My cuts sting. But there is a determination that wells up from deep in my chest. I would find Mom, just like I would find Ry-Ann's dad. Alive.

"You two get enough sleep?" I ask, stepping up beside Cal.

"I'm hungry," Justin says.

"Me too, should we see what's in the kitchen?" Cal asks, reaching out to pick him up. Justin smiles and pushes the covers off to let Cal gently pull him by his feet, which causes a fit of giggles, and lift him. The sound of Justin's laughter is infectious and genuine smiles break out on all our faces. It feels good.

Ry-Ann's smile is the first to drop and it reminds me that it's time to get moving. Cal takes Justin back out through the hallway on his way to the kitchen. Ry-Ann reaches for her ripped sweater and pulls it on over her head. As she pushes the braids out of her face, I try not to look at the dried imprint of her mom's bloody fingers.

When we first found her, she must have been in shock. Other than the moment she was reunited with her brother, I hadn't seen any extreme swings in emotion from her. I'm not sure if she's trying to stay strong for Justin, or if this is just her way.

The fact that an eight-year-old is this stoic forces me to suppress a shudder. I wonder if that's how I appear to others, and if my mom is gone will I react like Ry-Ann? Stagger quietly out into the street, dazed and numb?