Fault

Part 33

Fallon Connelly 7:14 p.m.

I take the candle and walk slowly out of the room. Cal is in the hallway, leaning up against the wall and actively trying to calm his breathing. In the candlelight I can tell he's lost all color. His eyes are wide and he stares at the floor, not even acknowledging me as I walk up to him. I realize that he must not have seen Ry-Ann and Justin's mother before. I also realize that, for me, this is the second dead body in the course of one day.

"You okay?" I ask.

He looks up then, seeing me for the first time. I hold the flashlight out to him and he takes it automatically, but pauses when his fingers close over mine. His skin is warm and I feel a sudden urge to hug him, but we just stand there. His hand on mine.

"Did you see her?" he asks. I nod.

He takes the flashlight, severing our contact. We make our way silently back through Mrs. Edward's apartment and out into the main hallway. Cal doesn't have to tell me he's done knocking on doors, because I feel the same way. We climb over the branch, being careful of the glass. As we walk by 306 I wonder if the man is watching us through the eyehole. I wonder if he knows there is a dead woman next door to him.

Cal opens my dad's door softly, and it's odd to walk into a relatively well-lit room. The candles make the atmosphere orange and inviting. Brett and Kim are still asleep in the chair and Price still occupies the couch. Marc is sleeping on the floor.

Cal says nothing, just turns off the flashlight and sets it on the ground beside the door. Then he walks over to his backpack and slides down next to it, sitting with his back against the wall. He stares at his hands. I set the candle down on the dining room table and blow it out, letting the smell of smoke twist its way up to my nose. I wonder when I'll stop smelling the scent of things burning. I'm not sure what to say, but I slip down next to Cal, feeling the cool chill of the wall through my clothes.

As so often has been the case in our friendship, we don't have to say anything. We let the sounds of occasional helicopter propellers outside and the inhales and exhales of others fill the space around us. Our anger from earlier dissipates as the reality of our situation rears its ugly head again.

I tilt my head back and close my eyes, but the face of Mrs. Edwards is waiting for me in the darkness of my eyelids. I shudder and open them, hoping to blink away the image. Cal's face is turned away, looking out toward the window. From where we are sitting we can see the top of the building across the street and the dark sky above it. Black smoke and the dark blue hues of evening mix together into what looks like storm clouds. I remember vaguely that the weather report on the news, which I had only been half listening to this morning, talked about a clash between a warm and cold front. I guess Mother Nature didn't think an earthquake and aftershocks were enough.

Cal sighs as if he is having the same thoughts I am. I stare at his profile, and realize just how thankful I am that he's here with me through this. His hair is messy, as if he's just woken up, and dirt smudges his cheeks. He's actually handsome, and the fact that that thought comes to mind makes me pause.

His hand rests on the floor between us and I'm overwhelmed by the urge to reach out and grab it, to feel connected to someone. I stop thinking about it and do it, resting my bandaged hand on his and slipping my fingers under to squeeze his palm. I take him by surprise and he turns to look at our hands clasped on the floor. I'm not worried about what message I'm sending because I have no idea what message I want to send.

Cal gives my hand a squeeze in return and I don't feel the pain of my cuts. I meet his eyes for a moment, realize I'm not ready for the intensity of his gaze, and look away. His warmth is so inviting that I lean slightly and put my head on his shoulder, pressing my face against the soft fabric of his sweatshirt. There are tears rolling from my eyes before I can stop them and I wonder if he can feel them as they fall.