together [lashton] ✔

eighteen - 'let you down'

song for the chapter - let you down by NF ( i went to see him in concert a bit over a year ago and he was so good ok anyway enjoy the chapter )

[trigger warning, a little sad toward the end i'm sorry.]

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sitting in waiting rooms is strange because you know that there are people dying every few minutes, however there is also new life being brought into the world. but to ashton, his situation really was a life or death case. james had taken him to the hospital but went to get food for the both of them while he waited. he phoned his 'parents' and told them what was happening. they weren't particularly happy and told him there were consequences, but he talked with james and told him he hated at his new home. he would much rather be back at the home with luke.

ashton had been waiting in the room for hours, his leg shaking violently as he felt anxiety and panic rushing through his veins, making it hard to breathe at times. every few moments he would take a huge breath to try and calm everything. it would work for a moment but everything would come back to him very quickly and it was like nothing was helping it.

when james got back he thanked him for the water but declined the food, saying he wasn't hungry. how could he be when he just held the love of his life in his hands after he overdosed in the room that the two would talk for what seemed like days, weeks even about everything and anything. they would sit in there for hours.

'and then, i remember one day i was sitting on the porch of my house. my mum was walking around and - why are you staring at me like that, luke.' ashton giggled as luke noticed he was staring. he blushed a deep red as he covered his face out of embarrassment. he didn't mean to stare at ashton but he was so pretty. he loved the way his hair flopped in his face and he kept having to move it, or the way that the fanlight above his bed was making his eyes sparkle a little.

'sorry, you're-you're just really pretty' luke confessed with a little smile as ashton smirked, climbing on top of luke and wrapping his legs around the boy's torso. 'you think i'm .... pretty?' ashton smiled before laying a kiss on luke's lips. luke blushed harder than before and tried to bury his face in ashton's shoulder. ashton was never going to let luke get over this.

ashton ran a hand through his hair as he thought about that day. that was only a week after they had told each other they loved each other. it was the happiest day of ashton's life. he was so tired of holding in his feelings toward the boy. it was horrible. every time he sat and talked with luke he fell more and more in love with him.

'i can't do this anymore, luke.' ashton was practically sweating as he tried to perfect the words he had been thinking over for so long. luke was confused and got nervous, what if ashton had horrible news? he perked himself up, feeling more and more anxious with each second passing. ashton let out a breath before wiping his sweaty hands on his pants.

'i'm in love with you luke. and i don't know if you feel the same but every time you and i hang out i can't help but fall deeper and deeper in love with you.' luke smiled as tears filled his eyes, a huge weight lifted off his shoulder. he jumped up and into ashton's arms, kissing his neck and all of ashton's anxieties calmed down, making tears of actual relief roll down his blushing cheeks. everything was perfect.

ashton hadn't realized he started crying until james was crouching in front of him, making sure he was okay. ashton felt horrible. he put luke through everything he said he wouldn't he left him alone for so long and left without warning. he abandoned the already broken and crumbling boy and he expected him to be ok? no, he had caused all of this.

'ashton, bud, you have to breathe. in and out, ash.' james sometimes forgot ashton was so young. no fifteen-year-old should ever have to go through anything like this, especially at a place where they are meant to be safe and nurtured. ashton was starting to panic, and this time he couldn't stop it. james was rubbing his arm, trying to be comforting. it wasn't working. ashton stood up and slowly walked to the nearest trash can, puking inside of it before falling to the ground. there were very few people around, and there weren't any nurses, so no one but james really cared about what was going on.

'5 things to-to.. 5... i can't br-breathe' ashton started sobbing as he thought about all the times he and luke had shared, moments that no one knew about. only he and luke had been there but if luke didn't make it out, he would be the only one with these memories. no one would understand him like luke did. no one would love him as much as luke did.

'ashton, play with my hand until you're calm. ok' james spoke slowly and held out his hand to ashton, watching as the boy took his shaky hand and placed his palm into his hand. ashton remembered all the times he did this with luke. usually, tangible things didn't work with ashton, but right now it seemed to be working. his heartbeat was no longer in his ears, but anxious tears were streaming from his eyes. he had no control over anything anymore.

a nurse walked out, calling out luke's name. ashton didn't get up, he couldn't. he knew that when he got up, everything would be real. whatever the nurse said would be true. there was no way to stop what was happening. he watched as james walked over and talked to the nurse, before standing still for a long while. when he turned, he had tears pooling in his eyes. ashton knew, how could he not.

luke had passed. he was gone.