Egbert

Boy Meet Girl

"You look fine." I say irritated, as we sit in the Principal, Mr. Westan's office.

"Are you sure? I feel fat Egg-Vance darling." Vikram switches into my mother just as the Mr. Westan enters.

He moves to shake our hands, already staring hard at Vikram. For a split second, I'm worried the amulet isn't working.

"It's lovely to finally see you again Mrs. Drummond. And might I add you are looking lovely."

At this Vikram perks up. Before he can say anything, I pinch him under the table. He's not allowed to speak. Our images are changed but our voices are still the same and he sounds nothing like my mother. He could pass for a pre-pubescent version of her. Probably.

"Thank you on her behalf." I say, putting on my deepest, silkiest voice. It's not good. And judging by Mr. Westan's look, he knows.

I add a cough. "We're both just getting over sore throats. I'm afraid Lilith here still has a bit of recovering to go. Isn't that right...Sweetie pie?"

Vikram gives a high pitched, wheezy giggle and nods, batting his/my mother's eye lashes at Mr. Westan, who seems completely enthralled. There really is no accounting for taste.

He clears his throat and snaps out of whatever spell my mother /Vikram has cast over him.

"Well, Mr. Drummond, I was surprised you wanted to meet me again. I thought we had resolved the situation is young Ethelbert okay?"

"If you mean Egbert, then yes he's fine." Meet me again? This is the first time Mr. Westan is meeting both my parents since I first enrolled. But if I sound too surprised he'll know something's up. "Mrs. Drummond insisted on meeting you too. And who am I to deny my...honey...bun...kin...sugar...pie..." internally I'm cringing heavily but I keep my face as blank as possible.

Vikram gives a high-pitched giggle and smiles seductively at Mr. Westan to really sell it.

"Why don't you fill her in on what we discussed?" I'm knotting my eyebrows to look stern but I feel like it's coming across as constipation.

Mr. Westan nods, more than happy to focus his attention on my mother/Vikram.

"Well Mrs Drummond your son Egsbert got into a fight with another boy today at school. From both statements, it seems it was unprovoked-"

"Really? Unprovoked? Because from what I heard that asshole Hans called me-my son Eggs Benedict and then-" I turn down my sentence into silence noticing the look on their faces.

"Anyway," continues Westan "Mr. Drummond and I came to the agreement that Eggs Bene- Egbart- sorry-Egbart should get an after-school detention."

"And Hans Kroeber..." I lean forward expectantly. Mr. Westan looks clearly annoyed. If my real father were here he wouldn't stand for that. Westan would be a mass of terrified mulch. "And Hans will receive two weeks after school detention."

I smile in triumph. A single after-school detention is almost the same as getting a pat on the back, if that pat is slightly too hard and makes you want to sit down after. But Hans on the other hand is getting the brunt of it; and rightly so. Hans is a dhampir. His mother is human and his father is vampire. He's constantly trying to get me to fight him to prove that he's strong or something and it's incredibly hard to not to punch him in the face, which I assume I could totally do. Our fight mainly consisted of me running to save Hans from my almighty wrath (I'm thoughtful like that) and then Hans jumping on top of me. Mr. Westan came across us then, so really it was nothing like a real fight.

"Really Mr. Drummond," I was smiling to myself too long because he's suspicious. "I would've thought you remembered considering how adamant you were in negotiating the punishments."