Egbert

Oh Poop

There's not much I can do aside from causing a scene. If I reveal we're being watched to Scarlett she'll want to catch the person and our date is going so well. Is this a date? I think it is. There's food, candles and I'm even sweating profusely. But there hasn't been a lull in the conversation in which we both pretend to text someone on our phones so it's not like any of my previous dates. Okay it was one date. I've had one date are you happy? Alright fine it was with my cousin. But hey, she's only related to me on my half brother's father's side, so we share like a quarter of DNA, and we didn't even have direct eye contact that long.

Scarlett's back. She sits down in the chair and picks up her fork, stabbing it into the cheesecake before her. I suggested we share a slice, just like they do on all the dates in the movies. "I've never had cheesecake before. It doesn't taste like cheese."

From my peripheral vision I look through the window, sure enough there's a shadow crouched behind the giant bin in the alleyway opposite. "It's all the sugar. It's got a nicer consistency than cream cheese because they whipped it loads. Do you like it?" I scoop a piece up.

She nods. The snooper is still looking, not even breathing from what I can hear. The only sound is from the occasional shuffle of their feet on the gravel as they adjust their crouch.

"I do. I didn't even know there could be more than one type of cheese."

"Oh yeah there's loads. My personal favourite is Pule."

"Is that the squeezy orange one?"

I resist the urge to laugh. "No it's the one made from donkey's milk in Serbia." My mother has some stocks in the company that produces them. A few more and she'll be able to carry out a hostile takeover, failing that she'll try an even more hostile takeover involving fangs on her business trip next month. Scarlett smirks at me from across the table. "What?"

"Something important occurred to me Egbert, something I didn't realise up until this very moment and I'm kicking myself for not knowing."

I sit up straight in my chair, worried about what this revelation.

"You're a snob." She announces, popping the last piece of cake into her mouth. "And you know what else?"

"Enlighten me." I'm relieved that it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Slightly irked that she thinks I'm a snob, I always thought I was a down to earth hard worker.

"I kind of like it."

But hey ho I can live with it.

"Egbert," she whispers leaning over and beckoning me, I move closer to her face close enough that I can feel the warmth from her smile. "I think..." I change my mind. Pule isn't my favourite type of cheese, it's this cheese, not the one we're eating but the one in this cheesy moment. "What are you thinking?" I'm hoping we're thinking the same thing. She close enough to me that I could kiss her if I wanted to. And I want to. Do I ask her? I don't want to kiss her without her consent but she's so close to me, is that consent enough? No, I decide. It's not.

"I think that maybe we should..." I'm going to kiss her, "order more cheesecake."

Or not. Good thing I didn't. I lean back into my chair, a tiny frown flits across her face then her features go back to neutral. "I think we should," I open the dessert menu back up and scan the cheesecakes.

"Can we get two this time?"

"Definitely."

She won't let me walk her home. Surprisingly she did let me pay for the bill. "You're rich, I'm not." And that was all she said on the topic. It did make me feel like transferring half my inheritance to her right that moment but that would leave a financial trail that my father would be sure to investigate.