Forever Bound

Chapter 3

        This year is going to be different I told myself glancing up at the different models of eye wear around me. My mom and I were at Wal-Mart searching for a new pair of glasses to fit my new prescription, I pointed to the Acuve contact lenses poster, "Mom please I promise to take good care of them." I had been pleading for contacts for years and every time she would make the excuse of me being too young. She stared at the poster trivially then back at me,  "Promise?" I nodded giddily, wearing contacts would eliminate them calling me four eyes; one-step closer to stopping it all.

         On the first day of  the seventh grade I woke up at 6:00am, spent an agonizing hour pairing up clothes so they would be considered "cool", set all of my back to school items in order and slipped in my new contacts. Everything would be different this year, I could feel it in my veins, I may actually be happy.  I strode into the school with ten times the confidence I had had the previous year, which meant a confidence level of ten.

        There was no magical change in people's hearts but I went through the first week of classes unscathed. I looked forward to the next week, maybe they would start talking to me and accept me as their friend. The second week came and went without incidence, people stopped looking at me with scorn and started smiling slightly at me.  I had been right, all I needed was to change my look.

          I walked home on the Friday of the second week with a grin stretching across my face, it was all over. 

          "Hey Cruze" Greg called approaching me on his bike, his friends trailing behind. Any usual day I would have ran but things were beginning to change weren't they?

        "Heard you got contacts," he said shoving his hand in his pocket. I nodded "I heard they're sensitive" I nodded again. A smile crept on his face "to what?" I shrugged "pretty much everything I guess."

        He pulled his hand out of his pocket and my eyes instantly flashed down to the silver bottle in his hand "even pepper spray?" Before I could process his words, he pressed down the nozzle releasing spray into my eyes. My eyes felt as if they had been doused with heated cooking oil and were melting into my sockets. Every nerve in my body screamed, it felt like a hundred pins were being stuck into my eyes and with every passing second, they were pushed deeper and deeper. I lay on the rough cement sidewalk ferociously rubbing my eyes, wailing  in agony. I was sure I was going to go blind.

         That day taught me something that I carried with me they would never accept me. I stopped trying to change myself to please them; it was after all a fruitless effort.

******************************************************************************

        I shuddered at the memory remembering the burning sensation in my eyes. Had that been my fault? Did I allow them to almost blind me? Caitlin's words rang in my ears on a constant loop, "You know Riles there are three months left of high school why don't you just enjoy them. Why do you insist on making them miserable like you've done your other three years?" Did she really think this was my fault? How could I possibly have put myself through all those hardships? Was I the one who locked me in the gym supply closet in grade nine causing me to miss all of my afternoon classes? Maybe I was also the one who threw out my change of clothes and left me in my dirt ridden gym clothes for the rest of the day. If she thought that I was the reason high school was miserable then did she also blame me for elementary school. Was I to be blamed for being double panted in the sixth grade and having everyone, even teachers laugh at me? Did I cause myself to almost lose my eyesight? None of this was my fault; I was not the architect of my unhappiness.

        I rolled over shutting the book in my hand, I had read it one too many times and it didn't get any better. It was a torcherous read that made me grimace with every passing chapter. I was reading it purposefully to talk my mind off  my impending return to school, but it failed greatly. Usually I would read a bad book to so I  would spend all my energy ranting about  how bad the book was  and not on the pain I was in. I slid the book in its proper place in the bookcase, it had not worked. I bent at the knees and lowered myself to the floor, before I realized tears slid down my face meeting at my chin. I didn't want to cry but it couldn't be helped, I had had a week off and now it was about to begin again. I held back sobs but the tears continued to flow and my body shuddered. Why won't it just stop?   

         There was a light rhythmic knock on my door giving me a signal as to who it was. I wiped away the tears from my eyes and opened the door for Caitlin. "Hey" she said slurping an iced cappicciouno, "I just wanted to apologize again for last night." She offered me a sip of her drink but I declined my germ phobic brain wouldn't allow me to share to anything with anyone. "I forced you to go the party and look where it landed you, it was a really stupid thing and I should have known better." I smiled at her, "yeah you should have."

        I smiled but it didn't reach my eyes, I had just been crying after all. She squinted at me trying to figure out why I wasn't smiling widely especially since I was around her. She knew me way too well.

         "I'm fine" I said, "you're forgiven besides you know I don't let them get to me." She nodded as if she didn't believe me then turned to to walk away with her usual grace "you better not be lying to me Riles."

        "Cait?" She turned around partially giving me a de ja vu moment, "were you in the woods last night at the party? I thought I saw you but you or whoever it was didn't respond when I said your name." She shook her head "no...I was in the...house the whole time, must...have been someone else." I nodded "yeah I guess we're both lying to each other today" I muttered shutting the door. She had hesitated when I asked her the question, speaking slowly trying to piece together a lie to say. Why had she lied to me?