I love my dead gay son - Romeo and Juliet AU

1.2 --- Peter could be cleverer

The cobbled street was the one that wound around and through fair Verona like a rattlesnake. Capulet, Paris and a lone servant were clustered on one side of the non-existent pavement to avoid the many people and carriages making their way along the road in the evening rush. They were in the middle of a (relatively) heated conversation.

"Paris, I am not the only one who has sworn an oath. We are well prepared to guard peace."

"Yo, Capulet, - I mean, I see you are both honourable, and it could be done, but what about pretty Juliet?"

"Paris, my daughter could be yours, and I long for that, but she is not yet of fourteen, and that is far too young to be wed!"

"How long do you intend for me to stave of the hungry lions of my love? After all, there are chicks - I mean, there are ladies all around who are happy with marriage younger who are younger than Juliet!"

"Two years, Paris. I implore you to fight them off for merely two years. Too many of those same ladies, grow up prematurely."

Paris smiled craftily to himself, and continued the metaphor, for he was a cunning python of a man, and a brute at that. "But my beasts need feeding, or I shall not survive. May you suggest a way?"

Capulet smiled at the young man's impatience. "Asides from general flirting, how about you are invited to a masquerade, this very night? Surely then you can begin to woo her to your desire. And the stars from my rooftop are divine - in the literal. And you may also see one fairer than my daughter. Peter!" This last was directed at the servant, who was ordered to write up a list of noble invitees.

"But sire! i cannot do so, for I am illiterate."

"Then find a way, for you have a will; that is, mine."

As Peter the servant hurried off, muttering in dudelanguage under his breath, Romeo and Benvolio wandered onto the road from a side street, still debating Romeo's love, and whether he could forgo it so easily as Benvolio promised. Peter happened upon them.

"Benny, I can't just forget it, and I'm not just gonna 'start a new fire', or whatever you're saying. I'm going mad, dude. Oh, hey there - is it Peter?"

"I - I - I suppose it is, sire. Are you capable of reading?"

Benvolio spoke before Romeo, sensing a chance in the smoke-clogged air. "Yes, we are." (At this, Romeo muttered some sass under his breath, which Benvolio ignored). "What's up?"

"It's this list - I can't actually read the names. Could you, sire?"

Romeo might have been a bit lardy-da in the head, but he was a good guy. "Of course, dude. Pass the paper?"

Peter did so, and Romeo read the list aloud. His voice stopped for a moment when he read Rosamund's name, as suddenly as a wet fish being thrown against a brick wall, but continued on just as quickly, so that Peter didn't catch the fish. However, Benvolio did, and when Romeo had finished, he tugged him away from the servant, who was saying, "As long as you're not a bloomin' Montague, you're welcome! Well - uh - bye, then."

Romeo's words burst out of his mouth in excitement. "Rosaline is coming! Rosaline is coming! Rosaline is coming!"

"Ok, Romeo, easy tiger. So, I guess we're going. Remember, we'll have to talk formal around the big boys."

"I won't be around your 'big boys'. I'll be with Rosaline! Do you think I should call her Rosie?"

"I think you should look at other people. Other women and girls are pretty as well, dude! Bigger picture."

"But-"

"Romeo, I don't care. You have to try getting past her, or you won't be able to exert your true Bromeo abilities!"

Romeo paused, although not because of Benvolio's words; they were about to cross the street, and an array of carts had decided to come through. "Fine. But only cos Rosie will be there. Do you think there'll be dudes?"

"Yes, Romeo, they'll be dudes, or did you not read the actual list? Otherwise we wouldn't be there, bro."

"Huh."

~~

Ok, so far this is going pretty much according to the script of the play, but pretty soon it's gonna start changing, at least a bit. And then the big boy guns are gonna come out. Come out, come out, wherever you are in the Narnia, you bananas.

Again, if you see anything that could be better, please tell me! :p

*Gives everyone rainbow glitter*