I love my dead gay son - Romeo and Juliet AU

1.4 - Time to get Fabtastic

On the cobbled street (again), not so far from the Capulet household, shit was about to go down. Romeo, Benvolio and Mercutio were getting ready to go to the party, and it was very, very gay (apart from Romeo, who still didn't understand that he and Roseline weren't going to happen any soon).

However, for once Romeo was thinking about something other than his would-be girlfriend. "How should we convince Capudude that we should be there? Do we give an excuse or what?"

Benvolio adjusted the silk strings of his mask, cos the idiot tying them hadn't thought to use a torch, and it was too already dark to get a good knot on the first try. "We won't bother with that shit, Bromeo, we'll just walk in. Who gives a crap if we aren't polite or whatever? We'll jig a little and hit the road like proper dudes."

"Well, in that case, can I hold the torch? I'm too frigging depressed to 'jig', bro."

That was the moment Mercutio came out from behind a curtain, in rainbow drag, complete with a curly, hot pink wig that came down to his excessively broad shoulders. He was in his Queen Mode, and he was a bro no more. He had transformed into something more than that. He was fabulous, and he was owning it.

"Bromeo, c'mon, you gotta dance!"

"Dude, it's you who has the nimble-soled shoes. My soul his heavy like 'Cutio's clunky heels are."

"Bromeo, that's... not very heavy," Mercutio said. "But anyway, you're a slayer, gurl! Fly higher than everyone else!"

"This love is rode, though. Not your type of love. Not tender and kind."

"Bromeo, it's 'rude'," Benvolio interjected.

"Whatever, Benny. Anyway, 'Cutio, we're talking about different things."

"I wasn't talking about-"

"Whatever!" Romeo turned away from his friends, trying to have a Dramatic Moment, but only faced a grimy, cobblestone wall, which ruined the aesthetic. "I hate roses and love. They both prick like thorns." On the inside he was quite proud of that bit of poetry (it was almost Shakespearean), but then he realised that the rose thing could apply to Roseline, which was Not The Point.

Benvolio and Mercutio realised this as well, but neither of them could summon up enough shits to give to be bothered to correct him.

However, Mercutio was able to counter Romeo's not-so-good, not-so-long speech with a better one of his own. "If love is a bitch to you, dude, be a bitch to love. Screw it up when it screws you up. Now c'mon, let's put on our masks. Wait, I'm already wearing a mask. Screw it, I'm wearing another mask." Yes, the mask thing was part of the speech.

Romeo's hands remained limp, and he examined the loose stone at his feet so he didn't have to look up at the others.. "Dudes, seriously. Let me just hold the fricking torch. Ain't gonna lose if you ain't gonna play, amiright?"

Mercutio trod on the stone Romeo was worrying with his foot, forcing him to stop. "Bromeo, stop being such a stick in the mud. My dress is too pretty to get stuck in it, I mean, priorities. C'mon, we're wasting the daylight."

Benvolio opened his mouth to say something, but Romeo got there first. "My dude, 'Cutio, there's no frigging daylight to HoLyShItYoUrMaSkWhAtThEHeLL!" He had finally looked up at Mercutio's face, and his mask, although relatively tame in normal light, was half shadow and half creepy clown in the flickering torchlight. That was why he had chosen it.

"Ok, calm down, Bromeo, calm down, it's me, dude, ok, calm dahel down. My point is, the torches -" he gestured with splayed fingers at the torch bearers around them - "are gonna run down soon, and yeah. Common sense, dude. Activate."

Romeo didn't get the vague insult, but he still sighed. "Fine, but I really don't want to dance."

"How come, bro?"

"Don't make fun of me, kay? One dude to two others. I had this real creepy dream."

"Yeah, and dreams are capitalised, steaming, warm piles of BS, bro. And the wind is wafting the *lovely* scent right towards you." He poked a finger into his Bro's chest. And no, no one knew how he did the asterixis (asterixae? Asterixi?) in his speech.

Benvolio interrupted. "Ok, forgive me from going all fancy-nancy-schmancy with you bros, but the end of Capadude's dinner is nigh, and we need to pick up our feet and dance. Yeah, Bromeo, you're dancing. Deal the hell with it. Come frigging froggity on."

"I just... feel like... I'm gonna die..." Romeo said. But then he continued, "Then again, I don't really give a single shatty shyte, so let's move our bums."

Mercutio signaled to a couple of the torch bearers, and they marched off into the night, to the mansion lit up like a pyromaniac's Christmas tree in the near distance. Benvolio hummed.

~~

Yeah, so I know I said I was gonna get back tomorrow (Sunday), but we realised there was gonna be a lot of rain, and packing up canvas tents and heavy rain don't mix. Hey, I can update!

Ok, so this chapter was still true to Shakespeare's, but at some point, Romeo has to meet Tybalt. And I have just a teeny-tiny 'lil hunch that it's gonna happen at the masquerade. Hmm. I do wonder.

*Sprinkles fairy dust on the carpet*