Shade (A Severus Snape Fanfiction)

|chapter two|

I hummed quietly to myself as I sorted and put away various healing potions in the Hospital Wing. There had been a quidditch match that day in some rather messy weather, so Poppy had been working tirelessly mending broken bones for the past few hours. Once I finished my work, I snuck out and made my way to the dungeons.

I hadn't told Poppy that the potions were no longer working, nor had I told Dumbledore. I feared he would make me leave. That just left Severus Snape. He was the one brewing the potions after all. The walk was quiet, and the noticeable temperature shift as I entered the dungeons sent a fresh wave of goosebumps over my bare arms. I had stripped down to my tank top and jeans while working, and feared I would catch Poppy's attention by pulling my robes back on.

When I finally reached his office, I knocked on the door, holding in a breath. I could hear papers shuffling as Snape finally called out, "Come in."

I pushed the door open with a shaky hand to reveal a rather annoyed Severus Snape glaring at me from his chair behind the large wooden desk in front of him. "Your new batch of potions will not be ready until tomorrow, Ms. Quinn," he drawled. He wore his usual sneer as his obsidian eyes bore into my own hazel ones.

"I'm not here for the potions. It's... about the potions though. I was wondering if there was a way to perhaps strengthen them?" I asked carefully as I edged closer to his desk. He cocked a brow. I had peaked his interest.

"They are as strong as possible, I assure you. Care to explain why you are asking such a question?"

"I.. um.. Look, I haven't said anything to anyone, but I need your help. Despite the potions, I am beginning to feel like I did before.. The pull to the darkness has been growing stronger again," I admitted.

"Why haven't you told Dumbledore about this? Do you know how dangerous it is for you to be roaming around if those powers aren't suppressed, Ms. Quinn? Or are you just a complete idiot?" Snape pushed his chair back and stormed around his desk. I found it interesting that despite the fact his posture was quite rigid with anger, he spoke as monotonously as always.

"What? Look I get that-" I began.

"No. You obviously don't get it at all. Come. We are going to pay Dumbledore a visit," Snape ordered.

"No, please don't tell him. Not yet. Can't you at least try to help me first?"  I asked while grabbing him and attempting to pull him away from the door. His eyes shot down to my fingers wrapped around his forearm and yanked it away as if my touch was toxic. He straightened himself and sneered down at me.

"You don't seem to be grasping how severe the consequences could be if you lose control. You are dangerous, Kathryn," Snape said, his tone clipped. I stepped back and gazed at him curiously. I had never heard him call my by my first name, and he had been my potions professor since my second year at Hogwarts, though now he was the newly appointed Defense Against the Dark Arts professor.

"So you won't help me?" I asked. I tried to fight back the tears that pricked at my eyes, but it was a losing battle. Snape simply looked at me and after what felt like forever he rolled his eyes and released a defeated sigh.

"Fine. There's a few other things I can try, but if we don't have this figured out by the end of the week, we are going to Dumbledore."

"Thank you so much, Professor Snape. Thank you," I said as I wiped the tears off my cheeks.

"I'm very busy. You should go," was his only reply before he walked back around the desk and sat back down in his chair. I nodded in response, but he didn't look up again. I silently slipped out of his office and started down the corridor when the voice I had heard eight years ago finally spoke again.

Stupid girl. Don't you know how lucky you are? Don't you know how many would kill you for the power inside of you? How many that will try? You have the ability to crush them all.

"Fuck off," I said aloud.

You think that foolish man will be able to "save" you from yourself? You are meant to rule over weaklings like him. You are a queen, nothing less.

"I said fuck off," I yelled, startling a few nearby portraits. I mumbled my apologies and practically ran back to my living quarters, not stopping until I muttered the password to portrait guarding my room where I finally allowed myself to break down, sinking to the floor and grasping my head as I fought away the dark voice that continued to speak to me throughout the night.

Finally during some point in the early morning I had fallen asleep. It was short lived, though, as a knock sounded outside of the door. "Kathryn are you up yet? It's nearly ten a.m. you've missed breakfast," Poppy's muffled voice came from the other side. Even through the portrait and thick wood, I could hear the concern laced through her voice. It was unlike me to sleep in so late.

I heaved myself into a sitting position with a defeated sigh before calling back, "I'm sorry, Poppy! I'll be right out!"

My head pounded, and the light streaming through the window burned my tired eyes. I hadn't gotten any sleep at all until the voice finally ceased, but even then I was plauged with the dreams I had become so familiar with in the past. I climbed out of bed and trudged across the stone floor to the small bathroom connected to my room, not caring how cold the frigid surface was beneath my bare feet.

When I returned, I pulled my nightgown over my head and hastily pulled on a tan oversize sweater along with a pair of jeans. I braided my hair down the side and didn't bother with makeup before sliding into a comfortable pair of shoes.

I knew Poppy wouldn't approve. She always encouraged me to wear something professional while working, but it was a rule I often broke and one she often let slide. It was unlike her to give up so easily on something, but I suspected she felt a tad sorry for me. Though I had never needed for anything and loved Hogwarts deeply, Poppy knew how badly I longed to see the world, to be able to use my magic and live a normal life. A life like that was out of the question, though. Especially since the return of Voldemort. I couldn't even take a trip to Hogsmede unattended anymore, and though it was frustrating, I understood the people around me only wished to keep me safe.

I made my way to the Hospital Wing where Poppy was helping a first year student drink a putrid smelling potion. "There, there. You're nearly done," she encouraged the small boy. A small cart containing a covered dish and a glass of orange juice sat nearby, the smell of bacon and eggs wafting from it.

"Well, don't just stand there and stare at it. Eat up. We have much to do today," Poppy ordered as she turned to face me. I gave her a small smile and quickly went to the cart, removing the lid and scarfing down my breakfast in record time. As it turned out, Poppy did indeed have many things for us to do, including a request for me to retrieve my own potions from Snape.

I tried not to seem to eager to run that particular errand. I was anxious to see if he had come up with anything, but I didn't want to alarm Poppy. She was smart, and she already suspected something was up. She had shot me curious, worried glances all morning, and she knew I had never spoke to Snape much aside from conversations concerning my potions.

"Kathryn, wait," Poppy said hesitantly as I started for the door. "You look awful, dear. Is everything okay? You haven't been yourself the past few weeks, and I'm worried. Is your potions still working?"

"Of course, Poppy. I've been battling a little insomnia lately is all. Everything is fine," I assured her with a smile, hating that I had to lie to her. There was no sense in worrying her if Snape could find a way to fix my problem. She didn't look convinced but nodded for me to leave.

I held my breath until I was out of sight, and released a shaky huff as I walked down the empty corridor. All of the students and professors were in classes this time of day, so the corridors were always peaceful during moments like this, and today I was grateful for it. But even the comforting solitude could not calm my nerves as I traveled through the castle in search of a certain obsidian eyed professor, hoping for a cure to my problem.